Best Friends and Heartache

Today I got a friend request on Facebook from Debby P. The one and only. She was my most bestest best friend in junior high school. We used to hang out as much as possible and would talk on the phone every day for hours on end. Then one day, out of the blue, her mom told her she couldn't be friends with me anymore. To this day I do not know why. Debby just said that her mom said I was a bad influence. Me. A bad influence?

My heartbreak over the loss of Debby's friendship is one of my more vivid childhood memories, along with the heartbreaks from my other best friends.

Before Debby, there was Becky. Becky was my best friend in first grade. I remember her well. She had red hair and freckles and was poor. She didn't have many friends and the other kids made fun of her for wearing dirty clothes. I suppose we hit it off well from the start because the kids made fun of me for the way I talked. Becky broke my heart when she showed Darren (my first real crush - a blond hair, blue eyed cutie) my journal with a poem I had written for him. I was horrified that she would betray me like that.

After Debby, there was Jennifer. Jennifer and I were inseparable in high school. I would let her borrow my car and she would let me borrow her earrings. She had troubles with her mom (as most teenagers do) and I provided moral support. She was beautiful, tall and witty, which is probably why ever one of the 4 guys I had a crush on in high school ended up asking HER out. We spoke French to each other and had many sleepovers. Jennifer broke my heart when she told me I wasn't a real friend after having turned in a homework assignment without her name on it (we had been assigned to work together, but she never helped).

Aww... I find it interesting how strong those memories are. It was almost as though my "break ups" defined me more than the friendships that just fazed in and out of my life. I am blessed to have a couple friends from high school be still in my life and I can't imagine them ever "leaving" me, but when I look at the actual memories I have... there are more with the friends who broke my heart than with those who did not.

Anyway, Debby P sent me a friend request. She even politely reminded me who she was, not that I needed reminding. "Remember me? We used to talk on the phone every day until my mom told me I couldn't be your friend?" It was a polite enough reminder, but it stung. Yes of course I remember. I wanted to write back and say "Does your mom know I got a BS and an MS in Electrical Engineering? Does she know how I have had a successful career AND am a successful mother? Does she know about all the places I've traveled to? Does she know about all the money I've donated to save the world? ON MY BIRTHDAY? Does she know about the joy I'm bringing into the world from my little gnomes? What does SHE think of the "bad" influence NOW???" But that would be petty. That would be silly. Of course, all the answers to those questions aren't even "No, she doesn't know," but they're probably "Remind me again, who is Jennifer???"

Ellie has had her heart broken by her first best friend, Brynn, though they've made up since and are still very close. They're not quite as close as they once were, and if you asked Ellie who her best friend is, she would say she doesn't have one right now... but is she out for the same "lessons" in her friendship as me? Or maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am. Perhaps EVERYONE remembers the heartbreaks their once-best-friends gave them? I wonder if it affects everyone else like it does me. I wonder if it will affect Ellie and Addie like it did me.

I wonder if Ellie will one day come home crying because her favorite friend is no longer allowed to talk to her. I wonder if Addie will come home heart broken over her friend choosing a boy over her friendship. Chances are they will.

I wonder how I will respond.