So my sister has been dating someone for a few months now and things are going well with them. He has a little girl who is a week older than Ellie and a little boy who recently turned one. They spend a lot of time together. I'm happy for her.
But I guess I'm also.... what's the right word? Jealous maybe?
Since she wants to spend every possible moment with him (which I can't blame her for), she ends up spending a lot of time with the kids. Recently it has started to feel like instead of doing the fun things she said she wanted to do with Ellie, she's doing them with the other girl instead.
Am I a crazy woman for being jealous of her time, on behalf of my daughter? I think the answer is yes.
When I brought it up to her, though, she told me that she felt like it was really hard to schedule things with Ellie because we're such schedule Nazis with her. I'll admit we kind of are strict about her schedule because if she doesn't sleep then she's a monster. However, I also feel like we've lightened up more than my sister is aware of.
But the more I thought about it, the less I understand how that is a valid excuse. My sister can't bake cookies with Ellie because she HAS to be in bed by 8:00. Yet, the other girl also has an 8:00 bedtime. My sister can't go swimming with Ellie because she has to be back for a nap. Yet, the other girl has the same nap time. It seems to me that both girls have the same general schedule so doesn't that mean my sister is just grabbing for excuses?
Anyway, we concluded the discussion with me reassuring my sister that Ellie is now at an age where her schedule is more flexible than before. Maybe not on a regular basis, but enough that it shouldn't detour my sister from making plans. In return, my sister assured me that she will try to spend more time with Ellie.
So I guess it's all a non-problem now, but I just had to write a brief vent about how I can't see the validity of her original excuse.
Or maybe I just had to write because I feel like this blog has been neglected for a while now. =) Do you believe me?
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3 comments:
Maybe your sis finds it easier to spend time with the other little girl because it's a part of her relationship with her sweetie, also. Maybe it's bonding for them as a couple. If she's serious about this guy, that little girl could become her stepdaughter and so maybe she has a vested interest in developing a strong relationship with her now in these early stages. It may not be so much a competition of this little girl vs. Ellie
If this little girl did become your sister's stepdaughter, would you feel compelled to also develop a relationship with her the way you would with a blood niece? I'm asking just to play devil's advocate.
Yeah, I hear you though - I'd feel a little stung too. It's because you miss your sister and you want Ellie to get the benefits of hanging with a wonderful aunt. You want your sis to show that you and your family are a priority to her. It sounds like she will try harder, and it's good that you did express to her how you were feeling - I too became a better aunt when my sis asked me...
xo
Yeah, I don't blame her for wanting to build up her relationship with this little girl, especially since things are going so well with her and the guy. I understand that completely and am positive that you're right.
What I don't like is the excuse she came up with - that the reason she doesn't do stuff with Ellie because of her schedule. That's just a lame excuse because the other girl has the same schedule.
I think, though, she will be better. I'm not expecting her to only do things with Ellie, either. I just don't want her to completely forget about Ellie.
To answer your question, I like this little girl a lot. She's pretty cute. We've already tried to do stuff with them to get the two girls to know each other. I'm not sure what she thinks of Ellie (she's not used to playing with other kids) but Ellie likes her. We've gone swimming, to dinner and even Bounce Town with her. We've also invited her to Ellie's tea party birthday coming up (so excited).
If my sister and this guy end up together, I want to do everything in my power to have the cousins be close. I don't think it would be any different if it were a blood-cousin. Not from my perspective, anyway. I do, however, wonder from my sister's perspective. I'm sure I'll be writing about that in the future.
Thanks for your comment! It was actually your story about how your sister called you out on spending time with your niece and nephew that helped me accept that I should at least bring it to my sister's attention. I'm sure we'll have a happy ending here, too.
A small example of wondering how it will be from the other perspective, is that I don't think Ellie is invited to this girl's birthday (she turns 3 a week before Ellie does). So, I think we've included them more than they're including us. Only time will really tell.
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