My Dear Sister,

I have thought long and hard about whether or not to discuss this with you and have come to no conclusion. Therefore we have this letter, of which I don't know you will ever see.

I am having a hard time coming terms with my frustration with you at the moment. You don't know this. How would you? I wouldn't be surprised if you think everything is fine and dandy. And part of the problem with me telling you otherwise is that any apology on your part would feel forced and done only because I approached you.

Flat out, I'm frustrated with the way things went down when you lived with us. I suppose it comes down to not defining our expectations well enough. Heck, who knew we had high expectations until we discovered the results were so much lower?

In a nutshell, and of course hindsight is 20/20, here is a list of the expectations we had when you moved in with us (in no particular order of relevance):

1. I would get to spend more time with my sister.
2. The girls would get to spend more time with Aunt E.
3. You LOVE to cook and LOVE to cook for others. We had 3 mouths willing to be fed (actually 4 if you count the newborn).
4. Speaking of newborn, we had one of those and it was going to be so nice to have your help given our new addition.
5. You are such a clean-freak. Not saying you'd pick up AFTER us, but it was going to be so nice to have an extra set of helping hands (especially given #4).
6. Date nights! OMG! How nice it was going to be to have a date night every now and then, where you would stay home with the girls and let us go out.
7. An extra car... with having an extra driver in the house, it would help eliviate some of the time and stress we have picking up the girls from daycare.
8. Paying no rent, just think of all the credit card debt you could pay off!
9. With you only working 3 days a week, we might actually be able to get the basement fixed up a bit for you!
10. Ten seems like such an even number.

And in a nutshell, here are the results (in the same order given above):
1. Yes, more time with sister. Yay! However, that time mostly occurred during the day (lunch and business hours). You rarely took an evening off of your date life to spend with me. And if you did, it was a late start or an early departure.
2. Yes, you saw the girls more often, but it was in spurts of 5 minutes here or there. If you happened to be in your room, Ellie could wake you up. Most of the time it was you giving her a hug on your way out the door.
3. In the 13 months you lived with us, you cooked 3 times: Once because you were hosting girls' night, once because I flat-out asked you to and once when you actually offered yourself. ONCE.
4. Speaking of newborn... yep. We had one. It was tough.
5. Cleaning - You were fantastic the first month you were with us. After that, we didn't really feel much help. Not sure it was *worse* for us. Just definitely not easier.
6. Date nights. Nope. Never got one. You did. We did not.
7. An extra car... I recall you picking up the girls a few times. Few being 2-3.
8. Yep... you claimed that you put all that money we saved you into paying off your credit card debt, yet every time you mention the numbers they increase. Huh? And what about spending the $1k for the charity formal. Sure a portion of it was for charity, but not the $300 dress and $150 hotel stay. I'm glad you got to use your shoes again, though.
9. It took us 2.5 months to paint our basement. Us being us. Not you. We only had an hour or two every night to widdle away at it. Your days were spent elsewhere. However, I did notice that it took you only 2 or 3 weeks to paint the entire floor of your home after you moved in. I'm happy for you.
10. Yep. Ten is still ten.

All this and neither M nor I feel like we ever got a "Thank you" whether it be while you were living with us or after you moved out.

I wish I wasn't so frustrated or disappointed right now. I'm surprised that M is handing it so well, though the reasoning is heartbreaking. He figures that you are who you are and that is someone who doesn't think outside of the box that is herself. Is it true you don't think of others? I hope not. I want to believe that you are a kind and considerate, thoughtful person. But as such, I find myself at a loss for an explanation.

Sigh.