Helpful Family, Baby 1

Yes, Jen, it's because of you that I am writing this post. However, you're not completely to blame, so don't be too hard on yourself.

The truth is that since Michael and I are starting to try for the next one (shhh! no one knows... lol) then things like this have been on my mind a lot lately. I wonder what things will be different for the next child, which will be better and which will be worse? In the category of "it has to be better next time" I put this:

The plan when Ellie was born was for my mom to come out to be in MD for the birth. She was going to take a long road trip with her sister, we'll call her Aunt B and end up in MD in time for Baby Vincent's arrival. As it turned out, Ellie came early (what? a baby not born on its due date???) and so my mom's long road trip ended up being a rush across the nation. She was four hours late and then had to wait in the lobby another hour for visiting hours to open. Moving on...

This meant that Aunt B had a unplanned week-long vacation in MD because her flight was scheduled the day after the due date (we had to make a guess, didn't we?). During the week my mom and Aunt B cleaned the house from top to bottom. It was very nice to come home from the hospital to a clean house.

I wish I could say the same about coming home to Aunt B visiting. My aunt was bored. She kept insisting that my mom to play Tour Guide and take her places like the Mall in DC or Gettysburg. My poor mom just wanted to spend time with her new grand daughter, but it wasn't until Aunt B decided that she needed a hair cut and wanted Mom to drive her that she finally put her foot down.

I wish I could say that was the only reason Aunt B was hard on us that week.

A little bit of background: During that time, my mom insisted that neither Michael nor I do any work around the house. She did all the dishes, cleaning and laundry. She wanted to be as helpful as possible and I really appreciated her effort.

More background: Breastfeeding did NOT go well for us. I was one of those mothers who was taken by surprise at how difficult it was, thinking that it should be one of the most natural things! Because of this, we didn't want to introduce pacifiers or bottles to the baby until we had the breastfeeding down.

Now for the story: Ellie starts to cry. Mommy and Daddy jump up to go get her, but my mom tells us to sit back down and she would get Ellie this time. We did. She got Ellie and couldn't calm her down. Aunt B wanted to help so she reached for the pacifier and headed towards the baby.

Mommy and Daddy told her that they didn't want pacifiers until breast feeding was going smoothly. Aunt B definitely had the attitude of "I've done this 2 times and I know better than you" so she jammed the pacifier into Ellie's mouth.

Now, I admit that we probably over-reacted. It would not have been a huge deal if the pacifier was in Ellie's mouth for the 30 seconds it would take to calmly walk over and remove it. However, we were tired and sleep deprived. And annoyed.

When Michael reached for the pacifier, Aunt B took it and held it away from it in a "you can't get it" sort of fashion. At this point, Michael storms upstairs and slams the door. I take the baby and try to calm her down.

Aunt B goes upstairs for what I assume is to apologize for her actions. I later found out otherwise.

Aunt B walked into our bedroom (she did not knock but did open the door herself):
Aunt B: You need to calm down.
Michael: Please leave.
Aunt B: I'm not going to leave until you calm down.
Michael: You need to leave.
Aunt B: You're a father now! Act like one. You are a father now and you need to step up and take more responsibility. You haven't been doing any work around the house since you got home. (my mom) has been doing all the dishes and laundry while you've been laid back on the couch. You're a father now and it's time for you to step up and take responsibility as one.

Needless to say Michael had to go for a walk after that.

In the wise words of my friend, Jen: Who does that???

Who says things like that to someone in their own house? Heck, who says something like that in their own MASTER BEDROOM?

Anyway, without lingering on the topic any further, we'll just say that it was a very difficult couple of weeks for us, in more ways than just being new parents. I'm willing to bet, though, that this falls under the category of "It will be better next time" because we're in CO now. Anyone who wants to help, can come over and help, but they also have their own homes to go back for the night. It will make a big difference.


PS. In case it came across that I wasn't thankful for my mom being there, that was not the case at all. I really appreciated everything my mom did for us. It was just the unexpected additional guest that made the house feel very full.

Did you hear the one where...

Did I ever tell you the story about the family frustration that was the first week or so of Ellie's life? No? Oh, then let me tell you a story...

After these messages, we'll be riiight back!