The magic of Christmas

I have a confession to make. I'm worried that Ellie won't have a "magical Christmas" like I want her to. Since we're traveling to Virginia this year, it makes the whole "Santa" thing a little tricky. Lorielle is getting the bike and jump rope that she consistantly asks Santa for but we have to leave the bike in CO. We plan to take a photo of the bike and leave a note from Santa explaining that the rules say no bikes are allowed on planes, so he had to leave it at home.

Riddle me this... how is that supposed to be MAGIC???

Hosting

If it were me and I had family coming into town for a visit for the holidays, especially for Christmas, and that family happened to have two young kids who want to have a magical Christmas with Santa, family and gifts... If I was the one hosting, knowing that the family spent a lot of money for plane tickets to see me, and that traveling with two young kids is always very challenging... If it were my family members going through all that trouble to visit me...

... Well simply put, I'd try to do everything I could to help make the trip easier for them. Knowing that they have a lot to carry through the airport... two car seats, luggage AND two wiggly, hopefully cheerful, but most likely not, children... let alone Christmas presents... and acknowledging that they would have to pay for shipping of Christmas presents ordered online regardless... and that they are arriving on Christmas Eve and probably won't have time to arrange for the getting anything done in town... I would totally expect them to ship the presents to my house. I may not know when I would get around to wrapping them, but I would do it even if it meant requesting that they send the presents soon so that I could be sure I'd have plenty of time to wrap them. It would make things easier for my visiters. There is nothing much I could do to ease their load for their return trip home, but I would not see any point in them needing to drag all the gifts through the airport in BOTH directions.

But that's just me. Just saying.

Christmas is all about the... treats?

I realize that this blog has become a place where I vent about my mother and my sister. This post is no exception, though in my defense it fascinates me to see how my sister is developing her own "family" and the decisions she makes along the way.

Christmas has always been my sister's favorite time of the year (something we both have in common). She loves the decorations, the warm apple cider, the presents, the lights, the baking... She loves it all. In fact, she has a dozen versions of the song "It's the most wonderful time of the year." I kid you not.

So it comes as a surprise to me that this year she has decided to NOT celebrate Christmas. In fact, she said she'll only join us if it's convenient. Instead, she is going to celebrate Hanukkah because her boyfriend is Jewish.

I think it's great that he's Jewish. I always assumed it would be a wonderful opportunity for them to expose their children to different holidays and traditions. But instead of doing that, my sister is giving up her beloved Christmas. It's not even like he's insisting. I don't think he really cares.

But when she told me, she came across as having a rebelous teenage attitude about it. Almost like she was saying "Look what I'm doing and there is nothing you can say about it! So neener neener." I know plenty of teenagers who use the word Neener. lol.

We all change for the people we want to be with, but how much have you changed? Would you give up your favorite holiday season for the one you loved? Would you do it even if he didn't care much one way or the other?

Divorce... who knew?

I realize that divorce has suddenly become a very common theme to my posts here. I guess it goes to show how much I don't understand it.

The latest is that my sister's boyfriend's ex (did you get that connection?) has decided to move back to Pittsburgh to be closer to her family. It's a reasonable decision on her part but it sucks for everyone else involved. I believe she wants to take the kids with her which leaves my sister's boyfriend to decide if he's going to stay in Colorado or follow suit. There are so many aspects of divorce (when kids are involved) that I never ever thought about before.

What would you do? Would you follow your ex so that you can stay close to your children? And my sister? What would you do if you were her? It's not an easy choice and I'm sure I'll be posting about how he chooses to handle it.

Naive Reffin?

During my heated conversation with my mom, she made a comment about how maybe it's lack of experience on my part, more experience on her part, her being older and wiser, or simply more jaded... call it what you will... but you come to a point in your life where you realize that sometimes you can't "just play nice" and expect things to turn out for you. Her pending divorce (call it what you will) has turned out to be a full-out game where neither player (my mom nor her husband) are playing nice.

Is that the way it is? When I get older, will I be jaded like her out of pure necessity? That's just what happens as people age? They grow less and less naive that the Golden Rule really works? I hope not. But who I am to tell? I obviously don't have the same experiences that my mom has under her belt.

Way to go, Reffin?

I recently offended my mother by accident. I wish it was possible to say something, one might call it "positive criticism" but it's not even that, without my family reading more into it than I intend. I don't know if it's the way I say it or if it's just my family needing drama all the time, but I wish it were different.

Anyway, I insulted my mother without intending to. Without going into details, I ended up talking to her about it the next day. As I feared, she had taken my simple statement as a huge judgement. And of course, this led to an intense conversation that opened up Pandora's box.

What was different about this conversation, however, was that I REALLY feel like I was able to not only clean up the mess, but I was able to do so AND still stand my ground. This might be a first for Reffin and it's almost unheard of when people confront my mother. I think I was actually able to explain that there is a difference between an "opinion" and a "judgement" so Go Reffin!

The thing that makes me feel great about it though (as great as I can for having such a heated conversation with my mom during a particularly vulnerable point in her life) was that I think it was the best I've ever REALLY stood up for my husband. Not that he has needed a lot of defending in the past, but usually I take the stance of "Just keep your mouth shut and this will all be over soon."

So... Go me?!

Ugly People

You always hear that divorce often brings out the worst in people. Strangely, even though I'm no stranger to divorce (my mom went through quite a few while I was younger), I had never actually witnessed it until now.

Without going into details, I see how my mom is acting during her current divorce and I've never seen her more ugly.

I'm sure it's one of those things I just can't fully understand unless it happens to me, but I REALLY REALLY feel like ***IF*** Michael and I were to divorce, we'd treat each other with so much more respect.

I'd like to think that if that were to ever happen to me, I would avoid becoming a person I have little respect for. I hope to never be so ugly.

What might have been III

Well it looks like I get to find out...

He's back in the picture. I won't go into too many details, but my mom has decided she can't work things out with her husband and is filing for divorce. Meanwhile, she and her ex have gotten back together. I'm going to pass on going into any details on the negatives of the stories... whether or not I approve... whether or not I think she's doing the right thing... things like that. Instead, let's just focus on the happy stuff, because let's face it... I haven't been able to decide how I feel about the entire situation, so what would make me think I could decide now?

Anyway... they're back together. I have said in the past that I thought he'd make a better grandpa than my mom's current husband, and now I'm faced with that being a real possibility. So... as the responsible mother that I am, I have two questions.

1. What, if anything, do I tell Ellie about Grandpa no longer being in the picture?

Do I explain to her that he is no longer around? Do I just wait until she asks and then what? Or do I just assume he'd slowly fade away from her memory?

2. What about Grandpa being replaced by this other guy? How do I introduce him to her?

They've met before and we called him "Gramma's friend, Cary" but if I'm completely honest with myself, ideally they would call him something cute like Papa, Papap, Gramps or Grampster (ha!). Would that be applying too much pressure on the relationship between him and my mom?

Seriously... it's hard for me to hold back and not jump to the assumption that things are going to be great with him in our lives. It's something I've always wanted even if I didn't know how to work it with all the other details.

So.... uh huh.

Lost in translation

While Addie was fussing during a car ride, Aunt Erin (though it could have been anyone) tried to engage her in a conversation, trying to show Addie sympathy for her increasingly sad complaints.

This is how it went from Erin's perspective:
Addie: Da da da da.
Erin: What's that Addie?
Addie: Da da da da.
Erin: Oh is that so?
Addie: Da ma ma mmmmm!
Erin: Really? Do tell me more!
Addie: Mmmmmm.
Erin: Oh I hate that!
Addie: Thhhsssp.
Erin: I know the feeling.
Addie: Ma ma ma da thhsssssspppp.
Erin: Woah! Then what did you say?
Addie: MA DA DA DA THHHHHSSSSPPPP.
Erin: Wow. You go girl! Way to stand up for yourself!
Addie: PPTHHHHHHHHHSPPPPPP!

Chances are this is the conversation from Addie's perspective:
Addie: I don't want to sit in this chair anymore.
Erin: What's that Addie?
Addie: I said I don't want to be here anymore!
Erin: Oh is that so?
Addie: Yes, stupid. What do you think I've been saying this whole time?
Erin: Really? Do tell me more!
Addie: Ugh. I'm sick of people mocking me.
Erin: Oh I hate that!
Addie: Yet here we are.
Erin: I know the feeling.
Addie: There, you're doing it again!
Erin: Woah! Then what did you say?
Addie: STOP MOCKING ME!!!
Erin: Wow. You go girl! Way to stand up for yourself!
Addie: B!+C#.

My mom now needs a pool.

I chose not to return my mom's phone calls while we were visiting Pappy (which probably just added to the problem). However, I just now got off the phone with her. She asked how the week went with the expected questions of "How was Ellie with Pappy?" or "Did it take Addie long to warm up to Pappy?"

I'm sure my mom means well and wants my girls to enjoy their time with Pappy, but I'm also sure that there is a streak of jealousy behind her questions. Ellie warmed up to Pappy right away. And Grammie too. Addie displayed no stranger anxiety towards either of them, even though she has shown fear towards my mom recently.

"How was Ellie with the lake? Did she like the water?" When I told her that Ellie was practically a fish, her response was "Oh man, that means I need to get a swimming pool too! No pressure or anything!"

It's just a silly statement, I know. And that's why all I'm doing is writing a silly vent on my silly secret blog. But, come on, Gramma! Let Pappy have this one special thing. It's ok for the girls to absolutely LOVE spending time at Pappy's for a week a year. That does not mean they enjoy their time with you any less. You do not have to be, nor should you be, their favorite all the time.

Jealousy

We've been in OK visiting Pappy (my dad) for almost a week now. There has yet to be a day where Gramma (my mom) has not tried to call to talk to Ellie, sometimes trying 4 or 5 times. She claims she's missing the girls. I don't doubt that. However, she often goes for weeks at a time not speaking or seeing the girls when we're at home. I'm positive it's a jealousy thing. It's only because we're with Pappy and Grammie (his new wife). Gramma has this... let's call it a thing... where she is almost threatened by the other grandparents. She wants to make sure she is the girls' favorite.

Come on, Mom. This is Pappy's week. He only gets to see the girls a couple weeks a year... if even that much. You barely go that long between visits. Let him have his time. Back off.

Cussing

I have never been one to curse much. I'm not sure why - it's not like I have anything against those who do. I just don't. I've never really felt much need for it. Maybe I feel like it's disrespectful - to whom exactly, I can't say.

Most of my friends don't curse much either. Neither does my husband. Again, I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's just a classic case of "birds of a feather flock together?" I seem to gravitate towards people who don't use much abrasive language.

When we became parents, it didn't require much effort on our part to watch the language we use around them. Michael had to watch his "craps" and I had to cut back on my "damns" but other than that, we didn't have any concern.

Along the way, we've had to request that some family members watch their language. Grandpa seems to simply not think about what he says when he's in the presence of the children, whether or not fowl language is involved. But other than that, I think most people just know to watch their words around children.

My sister knows it too, but she is an... emotional one. She acts in the moment. She doesn't hold back. If she's frustrated she shows it. If she's happy, it's contagious. If she's pissed, stand back. If she's pissed at you, then save yourself. This, combined with the fact that curse words are more of her everyday vocabulary, results in us being exposed to that sort of language a lot more since she moved in with us.

For the most part she watches her language around Ellie. It's easy to forget how much babies understand, so her tongue is a little looser around Addie. But she doesn't bother to watch her language around me.

The result is that since she has moved in with us, I've found myself cursing more than usual too. I guess that language is contagious. If you hear it more often then it flows easier.

So, here's my beef... I know my sister isn't responsible for my ability to not curse, but I also know that I've had a much harder time with it since she's moved in. I have never requested another adult to stop cursing in front of me (child present is different) but is that a reasonable request? I'm thinking not.

But I wish it were. It would be easier than the self-control I have to practice now.

Redefining yourself

Recently it seems like I'm surrounded by people rediscovering who they are or redefining who they want to be. Perhaps you're escaping to Paris to reconnect with the city where your love story really began, not to mention a family, to see if the City of Lights can tell you what comes next. Or perhaps you're testing the waters of parenthood and a relationship that allows you to be more yourself than the one you thought would last so much longer than it did. Or perhaps you're feeling so relieved and free that the simple act of moving into an apartment of your own feels more like a vacation resort. You recently won your first argument in years, even if it was just one between you and yourself. Maybe you're redecorating a house with all the pretty things you love so much but have been without for years? If there is no "us" in your relationship, then at least now you have a place to really be your "me." Maybe you're about to marry and finally begin a life together with your soul mate? You're just counting down the days. Or perhaps you recently admitted that your soul mate and you have drifted too far apart?

I'm surrounded by people who are redefining their lives and it has significantly impacted my own thoughts. Each person and each situation is a little reminder for me to step back and examine my own life. Who am I? Where do I want to be? I think everyone needs to confirm they're on the right path every now and then. Thankfully I keep coming back to the same answers...

I am N!ffer. I am my husband's wife. I am the mother of my children. I am exactly where I want to be.

Oh... Brynn

Brynn's parents are getting separated. For obvious reasons I have mixed feelings on that, all of which are irrelevant. A couple days ago Ellie and Brynn were playing together and taking turns leaving to go to pretend places. It's Ellie's turn and she picks up a bag and says "Bye! I'm going to da store! I'll be back soon!" She walks down the hallway, pretends to get her stuff from the store and returns. Now it's Brynn's turn. She walks over and picks up her purse, puts on her sunglasses and says "Bye! I'm going to counseling! I'll be back after you go to sleep!" and walks away down the hallway.

The pink stuff

When a 3 year old goes to use your toilet and decides that she is too scared of the "yucky pink stuff" to use it... and then spends the rest of the weekend mentioning how the "pink stuff is trying to get me..." It's time to clean your toilet. Please don't wait for us to get around to doing it for you.

Maybe the solution is to find myself a thesaurus

After reading Heidi's comment to my previous post I knew I had to write again.

My sincere apologies for sounding as petty as I did. When I reread my post, I could see that it did not reflect the feelings I had intended to vent. Heidi is right, my post complaining about being able to afford to save for the future when there are so many people trying to make ends meet sounds as petty as "weekly manicures and elective cosmetic surgery." Shame on you, N!ffer!

I am sorry.

I think in regards to the way Heidi took my post, the only solution I can think of is to come up with a better phrase than "I can't afford to..." because if you look at it in a black and white fashion, yes I CAN afford to. I do not see it as black and white as Heidi does, but I also do not want to insult those I choose to vent to. So maybe in the future I should choose words like "I choose not to..."??? Is that any better? That sounds self-righteous to me. Maybe there just isn't a solution.

However, my post yesterday was not intended to compare my inability to "afford" something to the inability for those who struggle more than I do to afford the same thing, or even something more basic.

No, it was intended as a vent against my own family members. Both my mom and sister are capable of having a financially sound lifestyle, but due to poor spending habits they do not. My vent was intended towards them and towards the fact that they feel like I'd be in the same boat if it weren't for Michael. My mom once made A LOT of money but chose to do nothing to save for her retirement. Now she's "suffering" by having to continue to work and "make ends meet." My sister makes good money too but has A TON of credit card debt that she needs to pay off.

It's comments from these types of people that get to me. They sometimes act as though I have no reason to hesitate on buying a chai on a whim, or buying a piece of clothing that happens to be on sale. These people look at what they're spending and focus on how they *COULD* be spending more. I look at what I'm spending and focus on how I *COULD* be spending less. It's a different attitude on money.

And it's a difference that is costing all of us. It's costing them because they have to now deal with the consequences of their poor decisions, and it's costing me for having to justify my spending (or lack there of) on a semi-regular basis. It's annoying to me to have my mom and sister assume that I can afford to buy something above and beyond the basics, when it's those specific spending habits that have gotten them into the situations they have found themselves in.

Does that make sense? Does that make my vent any better or less petty? I hope so. Like I said before, I know how fortunate we are but I feel like part of that has to do with our spending habits. My mom and sister *COULD* be just as "fortunate" as we are but sometimes they make what I consider to be stupid decisions instead. I just get so tired of having to defend myself for not making the same mistakes (large or small).

Many hugs to anyone I might have insulted - it was not my intention at all.

We're fortunate, not rich

Let me just say that I have always thought that Michael and I are very fortunate. We were lucky to both leave college with great degrees and no debt. Though we make good money, I've never considered us to be "rich" because our day-to-day expenses are pretty low. The rest of our money gets saved - we don't live like we make a lot of money. Maybe we are "rich" BECAUSE we CAN save so much? Who knows.

What I do know, though, is that I get tired of the comments we often get from my family regarding money. I say "I can't afford to stay at home and not work" (not saying that's the only reason to choose not to be a stay-at-home mom) only to have a family member return with "You know that's not true. You could definitely afford to stay home." The tricky thing about that is neither statement is wrong. It's all a matter of how you define "afford" and where you want your money to go. Yes, I could stay at home but then we wouldn't be able to save for college. We wouldn't be able to save for an early retirement. We wouldn't be able to donate so much to charity. And daycare is anything BUT cheap. But you're right - if it weren't for all those things, we could "afford" to do it.

I guess I get tired of the small comments I get from family members whenever I choose to not spend $3.00 on a Starbucks chai. Or whenever I choose to not buy a cute pair of $60 shoes that happen to be on sale for 50% off. It's like it annoys them that I try to watch my spending. And it annoys me that they think I can spend like I have no worries.

What annoys me the most is that they assume it's all Michael's doing. It's Michael who is the one pushing the budget on me or it's Michael who says we have to save for the future. Without Michael, I would probably have spending habits similar to my sister's. That's bull$#!+.

Sure, before we got together, I didn't have a "formal" budget. Neither did he. I spent a lot less than I made and was saving money well, even if I didn't have the funds allocated to certain end goals like real estate or car. I'm not sure what made us become more... um... fiscally organized when we came together (maybe it was realizing how much we want to do in our lives together?) but it was both of our doing. I get some of the credit.

And it's not a bad thing to be the way we are, is it? I'm guessing that there are many families out there who wish they could save more than they can. I'm guessing there are plenty of people out there who spend more than they make, regardless of how many digits their salary has in it. It's a balance, people. And it's not like we never "live in the moment" either. We've gone on quite a few trips to Europe and plan fun little outings together. We splurge - we just splurge on items that mean a lot to us.

I wish I didn't feel so defensive. I shouldn't have to be.

Camping with the girls

Yes. Believe it or not, we're considering going camping with the girls already, and like everything else in our lives, it seems like we can't avoid causing drama over the topic.

In a nutshell, we brought up the idea of camping with Aunt Erin's boyfriend and his two kids. We thought it could be a lot of fun to get the kids together and camping is always fun for kids. That being said, from the beginning we said we wanted something close to home (we're not lacking options - we're in CO for crying out loud) so that we could bail if things turn out horribly. With Addie only being 6 months old and Ellie still being very much a mommy's girl, we want to have at least our FIRST camping trip with them to be within a reasonable escape distance.

I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

All through email, her boyfriend mentioned going down to the dunes as an option. That sounds like fun I said. Then we actually looked up the distance and realized it's a 4.5 hour drive so we wrote back saying it was further than we thought it was so we will plan on joining some other time. Our intention was to not deprive his family of that experience (the dunes are better in the spring because the river is still running).

I think that he understood (he has stories of bailing on a miserable camping trip when his son was about Addie's age) and asked if there was a closer place we'd want to go.

But my frustration is my sister. She feels like we initiated something and totally backed out on it. We're making things difficult when they shouldn't be. If it's a crap-shoot regardless, then why would the 4.5 hour drive make a difference. It's totally inconsiderate to back out of what was our idea in the first place.

UGH. Really? Is it REALLY that big of a deal to ask for a close camping location for our FIRST camping trip with both girls? We would be willing to try it out ourselves beforehand but the weather will probably not be warm enough that early in May (this trip is in late May).

Someone tell me I'm not being unreasonable. Someone tell me that parents, whether new or used experienced, have certain experiences they want to be cautious of. And that's ok. Tell me, please.

Excuses Excuses

So my sister has been dating someone for a few months now and things are going well with them. He has a little girl who is a week older than Ellie and a little boy who recently turned one. They spend a lot of time together. I'm happy for her.

But I guess I'm also.... what's the right word? Jealous maybe?

Since she wants to spend every possible moment with him (which I can't blame her for), she ends up spending a lot of time with the kids. Recently it has started to feel like instead of doing the fun things she said she wanted to do with Ellie, she's doing them with the other girl instead.

Am I a crazy woman for being jealous of her time, on behalf of my daughter? I think the answer is yes.

When I brought it up to her, though, she told me that she felt like it was really hard to schedule things with Ellie because we're such schedule Nazis with her. I'll admit we kind of are strict about her schedule because if she doesn't sleep then she's a monster. However, I also feel like we've lightened up more than my sister is aware of.

But the more I thought about it, the less I understand how that is a valid excuse. My sister can't bake cookies with Ellie because she HAS to be in bed by 8:00. Yet, the other girl also has an 8:00 bedtime. My sister can't go swimming with Ellie because she has to be back for a nap. Yet, the other girl has the same nap time. It seems to me that both girls have the same general schedule so doesn't that mean my sister is just grabbing for excuses?

Anyway, we concluded the discussion with me reassuring my sister that Ellie is now at an age where her schedule is more flexible than before. Maybe not on a regular basis, but enough that it shouldn't detour my sister from making plans. In return, my sister assured me that she will try to spend more time with Ellie.

So I guess it's all a non-problem now, but I just had to write a brief vent about how I can't see the validity of her original excuse.

Or maybe I just had to write because I feel like this blog has been neglected for a while now. =) Do you believe me?

You're not my Mommy

My sister is dating a guy who has an almost 3 year old little girl and a one year old little boy. Things are going well. Yay! Potential cousins for Ellie and Addie! LOL.

The little girl likes my sister a lot and my sister has done a really good job of actively playing with her and becoming her friend.

Anyway... recently the little girl has started acting up sometimes when my sister stays over. I'm guessing it has to do with her trying to make sense of her parents getting divorce. I'm guessing that she's dealing with trying to understand who this new lady is and why Mommy is no longer in the house. Is this lady trying to take Mommy's place? Do I need to love this lady? Is it ok if I still love my Mommy? Things like that.

It breaks my heart thinking about it. I wonder how Ellie would respond if she was in a similar situation. My guess is not well.

I'd love to hear any thoughts or advice people might have for how my sister could handle the situation. I have some ideas myself but it's time for me to go home now.

Have a great weekend!

What might have been II

Well we had lunch with him again, and just like last time, it was bitter-sweet. As nice as it always is to see him again, I'm always left with remembering how at one time in my life I imagined him playing such a bigger role in my children's life.

I was talking to my friend, Jen, about it and she pointed out that she doesn't really know much about Cary. She said that she knows he meant a lot to me because whenever I talk about him, I get all emotional. I never noticed that before, but she's right. My eyes tear up at almost just the thought of him.

What's worse is seeing my mom deal with her feelings. There is such a big part of her that questions why she's not with Cary. She thinks about him so often and I've even heard her say on more than one occasion that Cary was probably her soul mate. It's hard for me to sit back and watch her think so fondly and sadly about him.

This time for lunch, though, Cary met Ellie. He brought her a little puzzle (which she loved to put together and take apart over and over and over again) and a bag full of shiny rocks (a total N!ffer gift, but it scored big points for her too). My mom ended up stopping by to pick up Ellie so that my sister and I could spend more time with Cary. That was her excuse anyway.

It was kind of sad to hear the excitement and nervousness in her voice when the plan was decided. Then there was the same tone in Cary's voice when we mentioned my mom would be stopping by. There was the distinct impression that he has the same sort of thoughts about her. Were we just imagining it?

Ellie was pretty cute. She was well behaved but didn't interact too much with Cary. He's a big guy and I can understand that he might be a big intimidating to a little girl. When Gramma came to get her, she asked Ellie if she wanted to give Cary a hug good bye. At first Ellie said, "No. He's re-a re-a re-a big!" but Gramma reassured her by telling her that Cary was a friend of Mommy's and a friend of Gramma's. After that, Ellie walked around the table and gave Cary's leg a hug. Did I see a glimpse of moisture in his eyes? I think so.

I'll be honest. I struggle quite a bit over this. It's so hard for me to see that everyone in this story cares deeply for each other but no one is doing anything about it. What can be done? Who knows. My mom is married to another guy. He's a nice enough guy, but he's not the family man my mom craves so much. He's not going to be the cute playful old man that my mom envisions as her partner in the perfect Grandma and Grandpa duo. He's not Cary. And things are not going well for them.

I'm not sure what else to say. I don't know if there is anything else to say. Maybe there would be more to do about it if things don't work out with my mom and her current husband, but that's not a very kind thing to wish upon anyone. Unless that happens, though, I think I will just have to make the most of the occasional lunches with Cary. N!ffers probably should not play match-makers anyway. Should they?

Word Verification

Sorry guys... but I've gotten a ton of spam comments in the last few weeks and I finally had to break down and change the settings so that you now have to do a word verification in order to post a comment. Bummer dude.

Aunt Erin's Dating Life

We get great entertainment from Aunt Erin's dating life. She joins in on the laughter too. She had a hot date set up for Valentine's Day:

Ellie: Aunt Air-yen, where are you going?
Erin: I'm going to see my friend Adam.
Ellie: But why?
Erin: Because I think he's cute and I like him.
Ellie: Boom-sha-ca-la-ca?
Erin: (shocked) Yeah, something like that.
Ellie: Oh.

Helpful Help

There is one thing that confuses me about parenting - the concept of "help." I'm told over and over again that if I just need help I've got lots of family in the area who can come to the rescue. They all have good intentions that just fall short of "helpful."

Let's forget the obvious one of where my mom often offers to help, only to end up being unavailable, late or returning Ellie sooner than the original plan.

Let's talk about the times when I'm surrounded by "help."

Sunday I went up to Estes Park with Ellie and Addie. It was by far the worst day I've had in a long time. Just like when Ellie was a baby, it was very difficult to get Addie to sleep in an unfamiliar location. Though she's typically only up for an hour at a time, she was up for 6 hours in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. It was a nightmare, but my mom was there offering to help. "Let me take her and you go take a nap." I don't think she realizes I can't nap when my baby is screaming her head off, especially if it's not normal behavior for her. It's just plain stressful for me.

And then there's other times when family have offered to help and it just messes up the routine and schedule and makes things worse. I end up having to come in and clean up the mess anyway.

How am I supposed to ask for help when I feel like the good intentioned helpers only end up making it worse? Riddle me this.

Cousins: Plan B

I have a confession to make. When my sister announced that she was leaving her husband, the selfish (and very inconsiderate) part of me thought, "Bummer, that means Ellie and Baby Vincent won't ever have cousins the same age as them." I knew that her decision was the right one to make, but I still couldn't help but be disappointed in the idea that my kids wouldn't have cousins they could be close to growing up.

Well we're onto Plan B now! Aunt Erin is out in the dating pool again and as it turns out, many guys her age already have kids Ellie's age! Go figure! There's still hope after all.

Tacky, Reffin! That's just plain tacky!