Best Friends and Heartache

Today I got a friend request on Facebook from Debby P. The one and only. She was my most bestest best friend in junior high school. We used to hang out as much as possible and would talk on the phone every day for hours on end. Then one day, out of the blue, her mom told her she couldn't be friends with me anymore. To this day I do not know why. Debby just said that her mom said I was a bad influence. Me. A bad influence?

My heartbreak over the loss of Debby's friendship is one of my more vivid childhood memories, along with the heartbreaks from my other best friends.

Before Debby, there was Becky. Becky was my best friend in first grade. I remember her well. She had red hair and freckles and was poor. She didn't have many friends and the other kids made fun of her for wearing dirty clothes. I suppose we hit it off well from the start because the kids made fun of me for the way I talked. Becky broke my heart when she showed Darren (my first real crush - a blond hair, blue eyed cutie) my journal with a poem I had written for him. I was horrified that she would betray me like that.

After Debby, there was Jennifer. Jennifer and I were inseparable in high school. I would let her borrow my car and she would let me borrow her earrings. She had troubles with her mom (as most teenagers do) and I provided moral support. She was beautiful, tall and witty, which is probably why ever one of the 4 guys I had a crush on in high school ended up asking HER out. We spoke French to each other and had many sleepovers. Jennifer broke my heart when she told me I wasn't a real friend after having turned in a homework assignment without her name on it (we had been assigned to work together, but she never helped).

Aww... I find it interesting how strong those memories are. It was almost as though my "break ups" defined me more than the friendships that just fazed in and out of my life. I am blessed to have a couple friends from high school be still in my life and I can't imagine them ever "leaving" me, but when I look at the actual memories I have... there are more with the friends who broke my heart than with those who did not.

Anyway, Debby P sent me a friend request. She even politely reminded me who she was, not that I needed reminding. "Remember me? We used to talk on the phone every day until my mom told me I couldn't be your friend?" It was a polite enough reminder, but it stung. Yes of course I remember. I wanted to write back and say "Does your mom know I got a BS and an MS in Electrical Engineering? Does she know how I have had a successful career AND am a successful mother? Does she know about all the places I've traveled to? Does she know about all the money I've donated to save the world? ON MY BIRTHDAY? Does she know about the joy I'm bringing into the world from my little gnomes? What does SHE think of the "bad" influence NOW???" But that would be petty. That would be silly. Of course, all the answers to those questions aren't even "No, she doesn't know," but they're probably "Remind me again, who is Jennifer???"

Ellie has had her heart broken by her first best friend, Brynn, though they've made up since and are still very close. They're not quite as close as they once were, and if you asked Ellie who her best friend is, she would say she doesn't have one right now... but is she out for the same "lessons" in her friendship as me? Or maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am. Perhaps EVERYONE remembers the heartbreaks their once-best-friends gave them? I wonder if it affects everyone else like it does me. I wonder if it will affect Ellie and Addie like it did me.

I wonder if Ellie will one day come home crying because her favorite friend is no longer allowed to talk to her. I wonder if Addie will come home heart broken over her friend choosing a boy over her friendship. Chances are they will.

I wonder how I will respond.

$15,000

What can $15,000 get you?

Before I answer that question, let's take a step back in time for a moment.

Imagine if you will, a baby girl who has cerebral palsy from a young age of 1.5 years old. She lives with her grandma until she passes away. She then goes into foster care, but when she turns 21 she is forced into a nursing home. For old people. At 21 years old. Though she's in a wheelchair with a speech impediment, she fights to get out. Does so. Goes to college. Meets a man. Falls in love. Gets married. Has two children. She actively fights for the rights of those who are disabled, and is VERY involved in her children's lives and education. She is a strong strong woman who has overcome so much without giving it a second thought.

Now, imagine if you will, that same mother. Her clever son has asthma and sensory issues. Her bright daughter was recently diagnosed with a severe epilepsy disorder that leaves her in seizures 60-70 times daily unless she's medicated. This mother is watching her daughter slowly disappear, and yet realizes that her son still needs her too.

Let's continue, shall we? The same woman who was able to fall in love and marry was also able to fall out of love and divorce. Now she's a single mother whose ex sees the children once or twice a month. In a public setting. Enough said.

What does all of this have to do with $15,000?

That's how much this amazing woman lives off in a year. How? I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure that one out. It certainly puts things in perspective, though. Don't you think?

Small Miracles

On my other blog I recently wrote about a little girl named Destiny. Her mommy recently posted on FB a photo of a letter that Destiny wrote to her grandparents, most likely her LAST letter she'll ever write. Her mommy is slowly watching her little girl go down hill and lose control of her life moment by moment. Poor Destiny has so many seizures that it's starting to take a toll on not only her personality, but her ability to learn new things or even maintain the abilities she already has. Her letter was rich with love but it was also rich with little reminders that she's slowly losing control of her fine movement. I looked at it and saw the agonizing frustration her mommy must feel in slowly seeing your daughter go away, not knowing what the future has in store for her, and not being able to do a thing about it.

My heart hurts today as I think about all the miracles my girls have the potential to achieve in their life time and thinking about what that would be like to see such potential for greatness slowly be torn away from me. I simply can not imagine. My soul must be refusing to believe that such horrid things exist.