Well they broke up. I should say she broke up with him. She sent him a text saying "I did it again. I don't deserve you." and he hasn't heard from her since.
He's pretty torn up about it. It's his first break up - his first broken heart. I think over all he's handling it pretty well but he's still miserable and lonely again.
You know how it is when you break up with someone that the rest of the family did not really like. When my relationship with my ex went horribly wrong, it really annoyed me and even pissed me off how my family would say things like "you'll find someone better" or "he doesn't deserve you" or "you'll see that this is a good thing." Why would any of that stuff matter? What mattered is that my heart was broken.
Sadly I wish I could say I'm not saying those things to this guy about his ex. I'm discovering that no matter how much I don't want to say them because I know they're not what he needs to hear, I just don't know what else to say.
I would love to know the real reason for the break up too, but that's never going to happen either, is it? For the time being, though, he's broken and I need to acknowledge that and not try to instantly fix him.
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If you are a family member then that means you've stumbled on my secret blog. Busted! The intention of this blog was to provide a place to post the stories that I felt might offend or upset any family members. I did not want to upset you, but I still wanted to share my stories (some funny and some not) with others. Hopefully you understand! I love you!
4 comments:
I don't know how helpful this is. In fact, I thought twice about posting it. But I lost that battle with myself so here it is.
Single & in his mid-30's? Things are looking up for him. For reasons that I don't fully understand, the balance shifts. Up until that point, women are in the drivers seat of picking the relationship. But something shifts around that point as man after man gets married off.
I recently worked with a bunch of single women. Some who never married because they were focused on their careers. Some who married and got divorced. But all of them told the same story: there are almost no available men. Not there are no decent available men. Nor no attractive available men. Nope. No men, period.
And when one turned up amongst the group of them, it was like putting raw meat in a den of starving lions. It reminded me of being a teenage male. And honestly, I kind of enjoyed the turn about.
My point: the balance has shifted. As a single male, he's gone from being a commodity to a scarcity. I suspect that some of it is evolutionary - e.g. about this time, the biological clock starts ticking faster. Even for women who don't want children, their bodies still try to prepare for the pending loss of child bearing abilities.
Not that any of this helps you counsel him.
Thanks for the comment! It was an interesting one for me to read because I never thought about it before, but you're right. All the older guys I know have no problem finding people to date. The women my age are starting to complain.
You know what totally freaks me out? I'm watching best friends, girls who are my age, give up on having a family, and I realize that suddenly 31 isn't all that young. But if you aren't even dating "the one" yet and still need to find him, date, get engaged, plan a wedding, get married, settle in and then start trying for a baby... With 35 being advanced maternal age these days...wow. I still want another child, but I tell ya, my energy level with a 1 year old at 26 vs 31has been very different. Nothing I can't handle by any means, just that there is a big stinky difference. Makes me wonder if I can do it all again in a few years. Pretty sure I don't want to try at 40+.
I had wondered what happened. Thx for the update.
I definitely understand what you're saying - it's amazing how old I feel at times. And I see some of my friends starting to lose hope on having children as well. I hope they don't give up the idea completely, though, because I think they would make fantastic mothers. I know quite a few people (most of the moms from my group in MD) who have started their family later in life (34-39 years) and they seem to handle it just as well as I do. I think it's a more common way to go these days, because often the mother wants to build up some sort of career life first. It's sad, but understandable that I see my friends starting to lose that hope.
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