Excuses Excuses

So my sister has been dating someone for a few months now and things are going well with them. He has a little girl who is a week older than Ellie and a little boy who recently turned one. They spend a lot of time together. I'm happy for her.

But I guess I'm also.... what's the right word? Jealous maybe?

Since she wants to spend every possible moment with him (which I can't blame her for), she ends up spending a lot of time with the kids. Recently it has started to feel like instead of doing the fun things she said she wanted to do with Ellie, she's doing them with the other girl instead.

Am I a crazy woman for being jealous of her time, on behalf of my daughter? I think the answer is yes.

When I brought it up to her, though, she told me that she felt like it was really hard to schedule things with Ellie because we're such schedule Nazis with her. I'll admit we kind of are strict about her schedule because if she doesn't sleep then she's a monster. However, I also feel like we've lightened up more than my sister is aware of.

But the more I thought about it, the less I understand how that is a valid excuse. My sister can't bake cookies with Ellie because she HAS to be in bed by 8:00. Yet, the other girl also has an 8:00 bedtime. My sister can't go swimming with Ellie because she has to be back for a nap. Yet, the other girl has the same nap time. It seems to me that both girls have the same general schedule so doesn't that mean my sister is just grabbing for excuses?

Anyway, we concluded the discussion with me reassuring my sister that Ellie is now at an age where her schedule is more flexible than before. Maybe not on a regular basis, but enough that it shouldn't detour my sister from making plans. In return, my sister assured me that she will try to spend more time with Ellie.

So I guess it's all a non-problem now, but I just had to write a brief vent about how I can't see the validity of her original excuse.

Or maybe I just had to write because I feel like this blog has been neglected for a while now. =) Do you believe me?

You're not my Mommy

My sister is dating a guy who has an almost 3 year old little girl and a one year old little boy. Things are going well. Yay! Potential cousins for Ellie and Addie! LOL.

The little girl likes my sister a lot and my sister has done a really good job of actively playing with her and becoming her friend.

Anyway... recently the little girl has started acting up sometimes when my sister stays over. I'm guessing it has to do with her trying to make sense of her parents getting divorce. I'm guessing that she's dealing with trying to understand who this new lady is and why Mommy is no longer in the house. Is this lady trying to take Mommy's place? Do I need to love this lady? Is it ok if I still love my Mommy? Things like that.

It breaks my heart thinking about it. I wonder how Ellie would respond if she was in a similar situation. My guess is not well.

I'd love to hear any thoughts or advice people might have for how my sister could handle the situation. I have some ideas myself but it's time for me to go home now.

Have a great weekend!

What might have been II

Well we had lunch with him again, and just like last time, it was bitter-sweet. As nice as it always is to see him again, I'm always left with remembering how at one time in my life I imagined him playing such a bigger role in my children's life.

I was talking to my friend, Jen, about it and she pointed out that she doesn't really know much about Cary. She said that she knows he meant a lot to me because whenever I talk about him, I get all emotional. I never noticed that before, but she's right. My eyes tear up at almost just the thought of him.

What's worse is seeing my mom deal with her feelings. There is such a big part of her that questions why she's not with Cary. She thinks about him so often and I've even heard her say on more than one occasion that Cary was probably her soul mate. It's hard for me to sit back and watch her think so fondly and sadly about him.

This time for lunch, though, Cary met Ellie. He brought her a little puzzle (which she loved to put together and take apart over and over and over again) and a bag full of shiny rocks (a total N!ffer gift, but it scored big points for her too). My mom ended up stopping by to pick up Ellie so that my sister and I could spend more time with Cary. That was her excuse anyway.

It was kind of sad to hear the excitement and nervousness in her voice when the plan was decided. Then there was the same tone in Cary's voice when we mentioned my mom would be stopping by. There was the distinct impression that he has the same sort of thoughts about her. Were we just imagining it?

Ellie was pretty cute. She was well behaved but didn't interact too much with Cary. He's a big guy and I can understand that he might be a big intimidating to a little girl. When Gramma came to get her, she asked Ellie if she wanted to give Cary a hug good bye. At first Ellie said, "No. He's re-a re-a re-a big!" but Gramma reassured her by telling her that Cary was a friend of Mommy's and a friend of Gramma's. After that, Ellie walked around the table and gave Cary's leg a hug. Did I see a glimpse of moisture in his eyes? I think so.

I'll be honest. I struggle quite a bit over this. It's so hard for me to see that everyone in this story cares deeply for each other but no one is doing anything about it. What can be done? Who knows. My mom is married to another guy. He's a nice enough guy, but he's not the family man my mom craves so much. He's not going to be the cute playful old man that my mom envisions as her partner in the perfect Grandma and Grandpa duo. He's not Cary. And things are not going well for them.

I'm not sure what else to say. I don't know if there is anything else to say. Maybe there would be more to do about it if things don't work out with my mom and her current husband, but that's not a very kind thing to wish upon anyone. Unless that happens, though, I think I will just have to make the most of the occasional lunches with Cary. N!ffers probably should not play match-makers anyway. Should they?

Word Verification

Sorry guys... but I've gotten a ton of spam comments in the last few weeks and I finally had to break down and change the settings so that you now have to do a word verification in order to post a comment. Bummer dude.

Aunt Erin's Dating Life

We get great entertainment from Aunt Erin's dating life. She joins in on the laughter too. She had a hot date set up for Valentine's Day:

Ellie: Aunt Air-yen, where are you going?
Erin: I'm going to see my friend Adam.
Ellie: But why?
Erin: Because I think he's cute and I like him.
Ellie: Boom-sha-ca-la-ca?
Erin: (shocked) Yeah, something like that.
Ellie: Oh.

Helpful Help

There is one thing that confuses me about parenting - the concept of "help." I'm told over and over again that if I just need help I've got lots of family in the area who can come to the rescue. They all have good intentions that just fall short of "helpful."

Let's forget the obvious one of where my mom often offers to help, only to end up being unavailable, late or returning Ellie sooner than the original plan.

Let's talk about the times when I'm surrounded by "help."

Sunday I went up to Estes Park with Ellie and Addie. It was by far the worst day I've had in a long time. Just like when Ellie was a baby, it was very difficult to get Addie to sleep in an unfamiliar location. Though she's typically only up for an hour at a time, she was up for 6 hours in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. It was a nightmare, but my mom was there offering to help. "Let me take her and you go take a nap." I don't think she realizes I can't nap when my baby is screaming her head off, especially if it's not normal behavior for her. It's just plain stressful for me.

And then there's other times when family have offered to help and it just messes up the routine and schedule and makes things worse. I end up having to come in and clean up the mess anyway.

How am I supposed to ask for help when I feel like the good intentioned helpers only end up making it worse? Riddle me this.

Cousins: Plan B

I have a confession to make. When my sister announced that she was leaving her husband, the selfish (and very inconsiderate) part of me thought, "Bummer, that means Ellie and Baby Vincent won't ever have cousins the same age as them." I knew that her decision was the right one to make, but I still couldn't help but be disappointed in the idea that my kids wouldn't have cousins they could be close to growing up.

Well we're onto Plan B now! Aunt Erin is out in the dating pool again and as it turns out, many guys her age already have kids Ellie's age! Go figure! There's still hope after all.

Tacky, Reffin! That's just plain tacky!