Well, dangit!!

It's known to all (or at least all those who care) that I have recently moved back to CO, and that my stay in MD lasted much much longer than I ever thought it would. And Now I"m back home and it feels good. It just feels like home, even though MD was not an easy place to leave. How

Anyway, I just found out that my sister is moving to New York!!! UGH! she was one of the main reasons why we wanted to move back so badly!

I know that moving to NY is probably the best thing for her to do right now. They are only planning on staying for a couple years, long enough for her husband to go through PA school, but who knows what will happen? After all, my stay in MD was only supposed to be 2 year as well. Anyway, I do believe that it will be the best thing for my sister. It means that she will be able to establish her career a little more before starting to have a family (she said they would probably try to get pregnant this summer if they were staying in CO). I do think that would be best for her.

However, the selfish part of me agrees with the part of her that wants to have a baby so soon. I think that it would be great if we ended up having kids all about the same age. It would be nice to have them grow up to be close to each other. And there isn't anything I can do about changing when I start a family. That not-so-little girl isn't ever going back in.

So I'm finding myself in a strange place because I hate to see her go when I finally got back to CO. I I was secretively supportive of her decision to try to get pregnant ear, yet I do think that waiting is the best thing for her.

Ugh. Let's just say that it just sucks and I haven't come to terms with it yet.

It started off as a good day...

The weather was beautiful and Ellie and I played on the swings. It was a great day.

Too bad it didn't stay that way.

I got a phone call saying I did not get the job I was most excited about. This instantly put me into an OH SHIT mode.

What's that?

You know, it's the mode where I begin to ask myself why the hell did we make this decision? What would possess me and my husband to quit the jobs we like? The stable, well paying jobs?! And to move to a different state, where we find ourselves with a house to sell and not sure if we can afford to buy another here. And me, unemployed. And Daddy in a job where he wonders why they hell they hired him and if he can even accomplish the things they want him to do.

Ugh. I hate feeling like this.

I know the answer is that we did this for the little one. We did it so that we could be closer to the majority of our family. I know that it will all come together and that I'm bound to end up employed again at some point. And surely we won't be homeless with a mortgage payment forever. And Daddy? He's one smart cookie and he'll realize that he can accomplish everything they hired him for and then some.

But today does not look that way at all.

Good but not great

The other day my sister and I were sitting at her kitchen table and going through some cards that she had that are made to encourage conversation. They were filled with questions like "What do you think is the perfect age?" or "Would you rather be deaf or blind?"

"Who is a great inspiration in your life?"

Sister - "Well you inspire me to be a good mother when the time comes."
Me - "Ah, shucks. Thanks!"
Sister - "But I can't think of any great examples."

Availability Vent

Ok so I've been back in Colorado for almost a week now and let me tell you, it's been a hectic week. I've got my hands full taking care of Ellie all day long, interviewing and trying to find a house and daycare. Overall, it's going well. If things fall into place like they appear to be doing then I'll live within 5 minutes of both work and daycare. Woohoo! Keeping my fingers crossed...

Ok... On to the venting session.

When talking to my mom about all the things that need to be done, she of course had the attitude of "we'll make it happen" which I love her for. However, she did speak of how she would be available to help whenever I had an interview or something and needed to leave Ellie somewhere for a while. That's nice of her and would be highly appreciated.

I got into town last Saturday. Monday morning my mom left to go to a Safarri convention with Bill. She returns tomorrow (Saturday evening). Tuesday they leave to go to Idaho to do some work on the house they own there. She'll be gone all week.

Ummm... so that means that in the first two weeks I'm here, she leaves MONDAY available to help me???? And keep in mind, it's the first two weeks that Michael isn't out here with me - after that, he'll be here to help himself.

Ah shucks, thanks Mom.

** Disclaimer: Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she might feel like I keep turning down her help because:

1. I didn't take her up on her offer to let us stay at a rental place in Estes Park because we have an offer to stay in a small, but close apartment in Boulder.

2. I didn't take her up on her offer to borrow her car because it seemed like it would be less of a hassle to use my brother-in-law's car.

3. I didn't specifically tell her that I needed her help so she might have made all these out of town plans thinking she wasn't needed. Sorry Mom.

Christmas is all about the junk food, right?

Mommy: Grandma, would you like to feed Ellie?
Grandma: Oh yes! I would like that!
Mommy: Ok, here are the carrots. They're a different texture than she's used to because I don't have a food processor, but we'll see how she takes it.
[Mommy leaves the room for 5 minutes and returns]
Grandma: Ellie didn't like the carrots so I'm feeding her applesauce instead. Has she had apples yet?
Mommy: Umm, yes, and she's allergic to them.
[Not to mention the fact that it was just generic apple sauce, which had sugar as the number 1 ingredient].

...

[Background: Grandma is baking a cake and everyone is hovering around the yummy cake batter, including Grandpa who is holding Ellie]
Daddy: Umm, Grandpa, raw cake batter is not good for babies. Please don't feed any to her.
Grandpa: Oh, it's ok. We're all having some.
[I guess it's not common knowledge that egg whites are the #2 allergy in kids. FYI: peanuts, egg whites, cows milk, and honey are the big NO-NO foods for babies under a year old]

Shhh! I'm hiding!

I hate to do this and I may regret it later, but I decided to make a second blog. Why? That's a good question.

On occasion, and for a while now, I've been frustrated with an ongoing debate.

Here's the deal... I originally created my other blog as a means of writing about random experiences that I had while pregnant. Obviously one can not stay pregnant forever, though strangely I did try, and so that became a blog of my experiences as a new mother to my precious little girl.

I'm sure that what I'm about to say will come as no surprise to you...
As a new mother there have been some, let's say "frustrations" in regards to other family members. For the most part, they are minor and harmless frustrations. I would love to write a post to vent about it because then it would go away. I'm one of those people who as soon as I get it out, I can usually forget about whatever it was that frustrated me in the first place. The reason for this is simple: it is usually a very very insignificant frustration, hardly worth mentioning at all.

But heck, it still needs to come out and it may even entertain a few people.

So, that is how I decided to create "Reffin in Hiding". Note how the names have been changed to protect the innocent. In an ideal world, only my friends and closest random strangers will find out about it, but now you can better understand my first statement.

If you do happen to be a family member and do happen to find out about this site, please do not hold it against me. I have been invaded by an alien being who will not allow me to be anything other than mother to Ellie. And please remember that if you read something here that I did not discuss with you, chances are it is because it's really no big deal and that I love you.

Now, on with the show...