I'm not sure if I can put my finger on what Ellie's parents are doing right in regards to their marriage, but so far so good. I wish I could say the same about the other two family marriages that also occurred in 2004. Though I suspected one of them to have their challenges, I never thought they'd both be nearing divorce only 5 years later.
It really has me looking at my own marriage. I don't know what it is we are doing right but I do feel like things are going strong (I certainly hope Michael feels the same... lol). I hope that whatever it is we're doing, it is giving Ellie a good example of what she deserves in her own future.
When I try to analyze the situation and find common issues in the other marriages (which already I know is unfair because each situation is different), one of the main common traits I come up with is that they have both been keeping their finances separate. This concept never made sense to me because I feel like it's more of a room mate situation than a soul mate.
Does a marriage have to be one of "what's yours is mine and mine is yours" or is it possible to work with "what's yours is yours and mine is mine - don't ask don't tell" environment? From my limited data sample, it seems to me that the unity of a marriage is key, and I think it's key for one reason - equality.
Can you really have equality in a relationship if you're worried about each other doing their share? Now that I think about it - it's a little contradicting, isn't it? If you worry about each partner doing their share then you officially end up with equality. On paper. But I think it backfires on you when you're discussing equality in respect for each other.
Hmm... I'm going to have to think about that one a little more. Whatever it is that Ellie's parents are doing right in their marriage, I'd like to keep it that way. It would be helpful to know what the secret is, though. What's your secret to a happy marriage?
Ha ha ha... Please don't tell me that the secret to your happy marriage is sleep. That will be going away again very very soon, if not already. Sleep might be the second key to a good marriage, though. =)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
In the labor room
When Ellie was born, my mom planned a road trip with her sister to bring a bunch of stuff out to us. The plan was to take their time heading across the country and arrive in Maryland in time for the baby's birth. Since Ellie came a little early, this plan didn't last long and turned into a mad dash across the country in bad weather. My mom was upset that she "didn't make it in time" and I always somewhat questioned what the big deal was because the baby was only a few hours old when she did arrive.
I never really made the connection that she was actually trying to make it in time to **WATCH** the birth and to be present in the room with us.
Until now.
She asked if she could be present for Baby II's birth and I told her that we wanted it to be just the two of us. It was obvious that she was hurt by this and now I question ow important it really is to her.
Is it weird that I don't think I want my mom to be there? In the past, the mother-to-be would often want her mom to be there because she's been there and done that. But that's can't even be said about my mom (all three of us were c-sections).
I don't think it would be bad having her there. I'm sure she would try her hardest to make sure she stayed out of the way and helped in any way she could.
But we do question the effect she would have, mainly in regards to Michael. Michael would be concerned that with my mom there, he would find himself wondering what to do himself. That is the down-side to a well-intentioned helper. It leaves little for others to help out with.
He also questions the effect she would have on my decision for an epidural. We'd like to go as long as possible without one, but he acknowledges that I'm very persuasive. I'll agree with whoever I'm talking to at a given point in time, and my mom definitely affects many of my decisions and viewpoints. Michael fears that with him and the doula encouraging me that I can continue without an epidural, if there is a third voice in the room (especially if that voice is my mom's) saying something along the lines of "maybe now **is** the time" then I would lean towards believing that viewpoint.
Anyway, I didn't mean to go into too many details. I'm just wondering in this day and age, how common is it to have your mother in the room with you while you give birth? Did you? Would you? It's a tough question I think.
I never really made the connection that she was actually trying to make it in time to **WATCH** the birth and to be present in the room with us.
Until now.
She asked if she could be present for Baby II's birth and I told her that we wanted it to be just the two of us. It was obvious that she was hurt by this and now I question ow important it really is to her.
Is it weird that I don't think I want my mom to be there? In the past, the mother-to-be would often want her mom to be there because she's been there and done that. But that's can't even be said about my mom (all three of us were c-sections).
I don't think it would be bad having her there. I'm sure she would try her hardest to make sure she stayed out of the way and helped in any way she could.
But we do question the effect she would have, mainly in regards to Michael. Michael would be concerned that with my mom there, he would find himself wondering what to do himself. That is the down-side to a well-intentioned helper. It leaves little for others to help out with.
He also questions the effect she would have on my decision for an epidural. We'd like to go as long as possible without one, but he acknowledges that I'm very persuasive. I'll agree with whoever I'm talking to at a given point in time, and my mom definitely affects many of my decisions and viewpoints. Michael fears that with him and the doula encouraging me that I can continue without an epidural, if there is a third voice in the room (especially if that voice is my mom's) saying something along the lines of "maybe now **is** the time" then I would lean towards believing that viewpoint.
Anyway, I didn't mean to go into too many details. I'm just wondering in this day and age, how common is it to have your mother in the room with you while you give birth? Did you? Would you? It's a tough question I think.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The names
If you had asked me Friday morning what name my baby would have if it's a boy, I would have told you that I was going to talk my husband into using Danick.
We love the name Danica for a girl (we just like Adeline better) and love the meaning it has. Danica means "Morning Star" but could also have the nickname of Danny that we really like.
If you take Danica and turn it into a boy's name, Danick is the result. No, I didn't make it up. It's a real name. There are people out there who respond to "Hey, Danick!"
I thought the best part of the name was that we could use "Nikki" for a nickname (from my Grandpa) and Danick itself is less popular than Dominic.
But when we were eliminating names from our list, my hubby pointed out the fact, plain and simple... if we picked Danick for the boy in hopes of using Nikki as a nickname, his family would use Danny instead.
His uncle's name was Dan and he died a decade ago. My hubby pointed out that even if we picked the name Danick for my grandpa, his family wouldn't see it that way. He flat out said "Will bother you that they call him Danny when you were really hoping for Nikki?"
The answer is yes. Yes it would, which is weird because I even like the nickname Danny. But it would be frustrating for me (and I'm sure our son) if my family called him Nikki, Michael's family called him Danny and we called him Danick because, like with Ellie, that's how we see him.
It's a shame, though, because I liked the name a lot. But my hubby is right. He knows me too well. It would bother me too much to go that route.
A note to Cracker's Mom: I totally see your point in the nicknames potentially being a negative when it comes to naming a child. Sigh.
We love the name Danica for a girl (we just like Adeline better) and love the meaning it has. Danica means "Morning Star" but could also have the nickname of Danny that we really like.
If you take Danica and turn it into a boy's name, Danick is the result. No, I didn't make it up. It's a real name. There are people out there who respond to "Hey, Danick!"
I thought the best part of the name was that we could use "Nikki" for a nickname (from my Grandpa) and Danick itself is less popular than Dominic.
But when we were eliminating names from our list, my hubby pointed out the fact, plain and simple... if we picked Danick for the boy in hopes of using Nikki as a nickname, his family would use Danny instead.
His uncle's name was Dan and he died a decade ago. My hubby pointed out that even if we picked the name Danick for my grandpa, his family wouldn't see it that way. He flat out said "Will bother you that they call him Danny when you were really hoping for Nikki?"
The answer is yes. Yes it would, which is weird because I even like the nickname Danny. But it would be frustrating for me (and I'm sure our son) if my family called him Nikki, Michael's family called him Danny and we called him Danick because, like with Ellie, that's how we see him.
It's a shame, though, because I liked the name a lot. But my hubby is right. He knows me too well. It would bother me too much to go that route.
A note to Cracker's Mom: I totally see your point in the nicknames potentially being a negative when it comes to naming a child. Sigh.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Love and Logic - learning at an affordable price
Sorry for giving no solid details about what is leading me to write these things, but feel free to email me personally if you want to discuss it...
One of the key points that I think the ideas behind Love & Logic focus on is learning big life lessons when the price is small. Teach your kids how to pay off debt when the amount they owe you is only $5. Teach your kids that if they don't have the $10 to buy the latest and greatest toy, then they need to wait to earn the money. Maybe they could even do extra work to get the money faster? Teach the kid that if they don't keep ahead in debt then they might just have to give that special toy back.
The thought is that it's better to learn those types of lessons when the consequence is low than it is to learn later in life when the price is big (or even in some lessons - dangerous).
I have this inherent desire to help people, especially those in need and those who are close to me. But recently I've wondered how it's even possible to help someone who has gotten so far down the path they're in. When will that lesson be learned for them? Apparently not now. I can only sit back and hope that she makes it out OK, but I can't help but think about the enormous amounts of money that could be saved if she learned how to properly use her piggy bank decades ago.
Do you think Ellie is old enough to start learning about saving her money?
MJH - I'm not sure how often you read my blogs anymore, but if you read this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and at what age you started to work on teaching your little ones about money. I seem to recall it being a topic of discussion earlier, so maybe I'll search through your older comments.
UPDATE: Here is a link to some cool piggy banks and ideas that Mani sent me. Thanks!
One of the key points that I think the ideas behind Love & Logic focus on is learning big life lessons when the price is small. Teach your kids how to pay off debt when the amount they owe you is only $5. Teach your kids that if they don't have the $10 to buy the latest and greatest toy, then they need to wait to earn the money. Maybe they could even do extra work to get the money faster? Teach the kid that if they don't keep ahead in debt then they might just have to give that special toy back.
The thought is that it's better to learn those types of lessons when the consequence is low than it is to learn later in life when the price is big (or even in some lessons - dangerous).
I have this inherent desire to help people, especially those in need and those who are close to me. But recently I've wondered how it's even possible to help someone who has gotten so far down the path they're in. When will that lesson be learned for them? Apparently not now. I can only sit back and hope that she makes it out OK, but I can't help but think about the enormous amounts of money that could be saved if she learned how to properly use her piggy bank decades ago.
Do you think Ellie is old enough to start learning about saving her money?
MJH - I'm not sure how often you read my blogs anymore, but if you read this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and at what age you started to work on teaching your little ones about money. I seem to recall it being a topic of discussion earlier, so maybe I'll search through your older comments.
UPDATE: Here is a link to some cool piggy banks and ideas that Mani sent me. Thanks!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A short vent with no explanation
She's an instant gratification gal. She always seems to be focused on the NOW and doesn't think about the FUTURE. If she wants it, then she needs it. If she needs it then she deserves it. If she deserves it then she she can justify it. If she can justify it then she goes through with it. And right now! Even if she might not be able to afford it - Either financially or morally.
Sometimes it really frustrates me.
Sometimes it really frustrates me.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Biting my tongue
Sometimes a picture can say it better than words. It's too bad that I'd probably have to explain the picture if I actually sent it.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Moving On is NOT the same as Moving In!
I don't think I've told anyone yet, but they got back together. For what I think would be obvious reasons, we're not too thrilled about this fact.
A few weeks ago, he surprised me by picking me up on the way to Estes Park and offering to carpool. We talked a bit about her and he seems happy. He then proceeded to tell me about how her new job requires that she's on call 24/7 and since she doesn't have a car, this means that he often has to get up in the middle of the night to drive her. What got me was what followed:
HIM: When we're rushing out the door in the middle of the night, I like to pretend that we're rushing her to the hospital.
ME: What do you mean? That's a weird thing to say.
HIM: You know, like she's pregnant and I'm rushing her to the hospital because she has gone into labor.
ME: (OH MY GOD, YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!!!!) Um... Do you want to have kids with her?
HIM: No, but it's fun to pretend.
ME: UH.
HIM: She likes it too. She thinks it's cute.
ME: UH.
Later that night, we were all sitting around the dinner table and the topic of family pictures came up:
HIM: Since we are all here together, I have an announcement to make.
EVERYONE: (Complete silence... we're not going to like this)
ME: (OH $#!+ OH $#!+ She's pregnant!)
HIM: She wants me to tell you that she would like a copy of one of the family pictures we have taken.
EVERYONE: (Sigh of relief)
ME: That's all?
HIM: Yeah. Is that OK?
Then yesterday, I also just found out that they moved in together. Though I had heard through the grapevine that they were thinking about it, I did not know that it had already happened. When I asked him why he didn't tell me and when he was planning on saying something, his response was "Well you told me I should wait for 6 months, so that's when I was going to tell you."
WHA??? I told you that you should wait and take things slowly before moving in and therefore that time frame is a good time to tell me that you've already been living with her for 6 months? Umm, I'm going to try not to comment on how horrible I think it is is that you're keeping stuff from your family now. Big stuff. It's stupid.
Combining the two details above, I can't help but wonder if there is more he's hiding. I don't like being a drama queen so I will be asking soon, but this could potentially be bad. Very bad. Ugh.
A few weeks ago, he surprised me by picking me up on the way to Estes Park and offering to carpool. We talked a bit about her and he seems happy. He then proceeded to tell me about how her new job requires that she's on call 24/7 and since she doesn't have a car, this means that he often has to get up in the middle of the night to drive her. What got me was what followed:
HIM: When we're rushing out the door in the middle of the night, I like to pretend that we're rushing her to the hospital.
ME: What do you mean? That's a weird thing to say.
HIM: You know, like she's pregnant and I'm rushing her to the hospital because she has gone into labor.
ME: (OH MY GOD, YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!!!!) Um... Do you want to have kids with her?
HIM: No, but it's fun to pretend.
ME: UH.
HIM: She likes it too. She thinks it's cute.
ME: UH.
Later that night, we were all sitting around the dinner table and the topic of family pictures came up:
HIM: Since we are all here together, I have an announcement to make.
EVERYONE: (Complete silence... we're not going to like this)
ME: (OH $#!+ OH $#!+ She's pregnant!)
HIM: She wants me to tell you that she would like a copy of one of the family pictures we have taken.
EVERYONE: (Sigh of relief)
ME: That's all?
HIM: Yeah. Is that OK?
Then yesterday, I also just found out that they moved in together. Though I had heard through the grapevine that they were thinking about it, I did not know that it had already happened. When I asked him why he didn't tell me and when he was planning on saying something, his response was "Well you told me I should wait for 6 months, so that's when I was going to tell you."
WHA??? I told you that you should wait and take things slowly before moving in and therefore that time frame is a good time to tell me that you've already been living with her for 6 months? Umm, I'm going to try not to comment on how horrible I think it is is that you're keeping stuff from your family now. Big stuff. It's stupid.
Combining the two details above, I can't help but wonder if there is more he's hiding. I don't like being a drama queen so I will be asking soon, but this could potentially be bad. Very bad. Ugh.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
