We know a girl, who for better or worse, we spend a lot of time with. She is exactly one week older than Ellie and her brother is 9 months older than Addie. On the surface it looks like a great set up. These kids will grow up together and could possibly be very close for it. In theory I want this. I want my kids to have this type of relationship because they certainly are not going to have any real cousins.
... but in reality? It kind of bites.
These kids are far more wild and misbehaved than our own. We often struggle with our girls just a little more after we've ever spent time with the kids. It seems that our girls try to see if they can get away with just as much. I see this only getting worse as they get older.
But it's more than that. It's more than the influence that they have over my girls that makes me question the "better or worse" part of my first sentence.
Michael has always been very good with children. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with him. Whenever we're at birthday parties, Michael (along with Brynn's father) is the one who has swarms of kids attacking him from every angle, trying to get their turn for his attention. They love him and rightfully so. He's fun. Everyone likes him. The other parents are thankful for him.
But this girl... This girl has learned one thing in life. When in doubt... cry. She has learned that if she cries long enough she doesn't have to apologize. She has learned that if she cries long enough she doesn't have to say please or thank you. In fact, she has learned that if she cries long enough she doesn't have to use any words at all. Whether she doesn't have to say she's sorry because obviously she feels bad, or she doesn't have to say "please" because she's obviously scared... well either is BS. No, she doesn't have to use her words because she has learned that if she whines enough than all the adults around her feel sorry for her and back off.
What happened this time? Michael was rough housing with her and her brother, but like every time before, if something ever goes differently than she wants it to, she breaks down. Michael grabbed her brother's hands and tickled him. The girl laughed. Michael grabbed her hands and said "Ah ha! Now I've got you both!" She started to cry.
It's not the first time that something like this has happened with her. It just seems to happen every time either of us play with her in any manner that is joking or somewhat typical "rough housing."
The result?
We've concluded that Michael is banned from playing with the kids. Ridiculous? Probably, but I see it as the only way to avoid future conflicts. And it's so unfortunate too because the kids will want to play with him. They always do.
This weekend is Ellie's birthday party and Michael (along with Brynn's dad) is bound to play with the kids, as he should. There will be squeals of delight and lots of laughter and splashes. But he will not include these two children. Why? Because if he does, he's bound to get into trouble.
And if he doesn't, they're bound to feel left out. Suck.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Proud Mommy
Last weekend we had dinner with a bunch of people. Details of who are not important. At dinner there was two large tables of adults and one small table of kids. My girl, Ellie (Addie was home sick) and 4 others resulted in ages ranging from 3-10 years old.
The kids were crazy. Many of the boys kept getting up and throwing stuff at each other and laughing and giggling. The other girl was no better and thought it was great fun to stick her feet into their faces. Basically, they were doing anything other than eating.
Poor Ellie, I could see that she was trying to have a polite meal. She sat there and just looked appalled at the behavoir the other kids were having. To make matters worse, it's not like she even liked the food. She was just trying to NOT eat her food in the most respectful manner possible.
Eventually Ellie spoke up. She had had enough. "Can you please stop that? It's not very polite." I had a Proud Mommy moment and the kids settled down.
For 2 or 3 minutes.
When the ruckus started up again, Ellie sent me a woeful look of defeat and I asked her if she would like to join the grown-up table. The look of relief on her face said it all.
Ellie: They're not being very polite, why isn't anyone saying anything?
Mommy: I don't know. They're not my kids, but I'm so happy that you're being polite and I'm VERY proud of you for trying to tell the other kids that they weren't.
Later that night we told Daddy about what happened.
Ellie: Did that suprise you Daddy?
Daddy: No, it did not surprise me at all that you were so nice and polite, but I AM very proud of you.
Ellie went to bed that night shining brighter for it.
The kids were crazy. Many of the boys kept getting up and throwing stuff at each other and laughing and giggling. The other girl was no better and thought it was great fun to stick her feet into their faces. Basically, they were doing anything other than eating.
Poor Ellie, I could see that she was trying to have a polite meal. She sat there and just looked appalled at the behavoir the other kids were having. To make matters worse, it's not like she even liked the food. She was just trying to NOT eat her food in the most respectful manner possible.
Eventually Ellie spoke up. She had had enough. "Can you please stop that? It's not very polite." I had a Proud Mommy moment and the kids settled down.
For 2 or 3 minutes.
When the ruckus started up again, Ellie sent me a woeful look of defeat and I asked her if she would like to join the grown-up table. The look of relief on her face said it all.
Ellie: They're not being very polite, why isn't anyone saying anything?
Mommy: I don't know. They're not my kids, but I'm so happy that you're being polite and I'm VERY proud of you for trying to tell the other kids that they weren't.
Later that night we told Daddy about what happened.
Ellie: Did that suprise you Daddy?
Daddy: No, it did not surprise me at all that you were so nice and polite, but I AM very proud of you.
Ellie went to bed that night shining brighter for it.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Best Friends and Heartache
Today I got a friend request on Facebook from Debby P. The one and only. She was my most bestest best friend in junior high school. We used to hang out as much as possible and would talk on the phone every day for hours on end. Then one day, out of the blue, her mom told her she couldn't be friends with me anymore. To this day I do not know why. Debby just said that her mom said I was a bad influence. Me. A bad influence?
My heartbreak over the loss of Debby's friendship is one of my more vivid childhood memories, along with the heartbreaks from my other best friends.
Before Debby, there was Becky. Becky was my best friend in first grade. I remember her well. She had red hair and freckles and was poor. She didn't have many friends and the other kids made fun of her for wearing dirty clothes. I suppose we hit it off well from the start because the kids made fun of me for the way I talked. Becky broke my heart when she showed Darren (my first real crush - a blond hair, blue eyed cutie) my journal with a poem I had written for him. I was horrified that she would betray me like that.
After Debby, there was Jennifer. Jennifer and I were inseparable in high school. I would let her borrow my car and she would let me borrow her earrings. She had troubles with her mom (as most teenagers do) and I provided moral support. She was beautiful, tall and witty, which is probably why ever one of the 4 guys I had a crush on in high school ended up asking HER out. We spoke French to each other and had many sleepovers. Jennifer broke my heart when she told me I wasn't a real friend after having turned in a homework assignment without her name on it (we had been assigned to work together, but she never helped).
Aww... I find it interesting how strong those memories are. It was almost as though my "break ups" defined me more than the friendships that just fazed in and out of my life. I am blessed to have a couple friends from high school be still in my life and I can't imagine them ever "leaving" me, but when I look at the actual memories I have... there are more with the friends who broke my heart than with those who did not.
Anyway, Debby P sent me a friend request. She even politely reminded me who she was, not that I needed reminding. "Remember me? We used to talk on the phone every day until my mom told me I couldn't be your friend?" It was a polite enough reminder, but it stung. Yes of course I remember. I wanted to write back and say "Does your mom know I got a BS and an MS in Electrical Engineering? Does she know how I have had a successful career AND am a successful mother? Does she know about all the places I've traveled to? Does she know about all the money I've donated to save the world? ON MY BIRTHDAY? Does she know about the joy I'm bringing into the world from my little gnomes? What does SHE think of the "bad" influence NOW???" But that would be petty. That would be silly. Of course, all the answers to those questions aren't even "No, she doesn't know," but they're probably "Remind me again, who is Jennifer???"
Ellie has had her heart broken by her first best friend, Brynn, though they've made up since and are still very close. They're not quite as close as they once were, and if you asked Ellie who her best friend is, she would say she doesn't have one right now... but is she out for the same "lessons" in her friendship as me? Or maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am. Perhaps EVERYONE remembers the heartbreaks their once-best-friends gave them? I wonder if it affects everyone else like it does me. I wonder if it will affect Ellie and Addie like it did me.
I wonder if Ellie will one day come home crying because her favorite friend is no longer allowed to talk to her. I wonder if Addie will come home heart broken over her friend choosing a boy over her friendship. Chances are they will.
I wonder how I will respond.
My heartbreak over the loss of Debby's friendship is one of my more vivid childhood memories, along with the heartbreaks from my other best friends.
Before Debby, there was Becky. Becky was my best friend in first grade. I remember her well. She had red hair and freckles and was poor. She didn't have many friends and the other kids made fun of her for wearing dirty clothes. I suppose we hit it off well from the start because the kids made fun of me for the way I talked. Becky broke my heart when she showed Darren (my first real crush - a blond hair, blue eyed cutie) my journal with a poem I had written for him. I was horrified that she would betray me like that.
After Debby, there was Jennifer. Jennifer and I were inseparable in high school. I would let her borrow my car and she would let me borrow her earrings. She had troubles with her mom (as most teenagers do) and I provided moral support. She was beautiful, tall and witty, which is probably why ever one of the 4 guys I had a crush on in high school ended up asking HER out. We spoke French to each other and had many sleepovers. Jennifer broke my heart when she told me I wasn't a real friend after having turned in a homework assignment without her name on it (we had been assigned to work together, but she never helped).
Aww... I find it interesting how strong those memories are. It was almost as though my "break ups" defined me more than the friendships that just fazed in and out of my life. I am blessed to have a couple friends from high school be still in my life and I can't imagine them ever "leaving" me, but when I look at the actual memories I have... there are more with the friends who broke my heart than with those who did not.
Anyway, Debby P sent me a friend request. She even politely reminded me who she was, not that I needed reminding. "Remember me? We used to talk on the phone every day until my mom told me I couldn't be your friend?" It was a polite enough reminder, but it stung. Yes of course I remember. I wanted to write back and say "Does your mom know I got a BS and an MS in Electrical Engineering? Does she know how I have had a successful career AND am a successful mother? Does she know about all the places I've traveled to? Does she know about all the money I've donated to save the world? ON MY BIRTHDAY? Does she know about the joy I'm bringing into the world from my little gnomes? What does SHE think of the "bad" influence NOW???" But that would be petty. That would be silly. Of course, all the answers to those questions aren't even "No, she doesn't know," but they're probably "Remind me again, who is Jennifer???"
Ellie has had her heart broken by her first best friend, Brynn, though they've made up since and are still very close. They're not quite as close as they once were, and if you asked Ellie who her best friend is, she would say she doesn't have one right now... but is she out for the same "lessons" in her friendship as me? Or maybe I'm not as unique as I think I am. Perhaps EVERYONE remembers the heartbreaks their once-best-friends gave them? I wonder if it affects everyone else like it does me. I wonder if it will affect Ellie and Addie like it did me.
I wonder if Ellie will one day come home crying because her favorite friend is no longer allowed to talk to her. I wonder if Addie will come home heart broken over her friend choosing a boy over her friendship. Chances are they will.
I wonder how I will respond.
Friday, December 16, 2011
$15,000
What can $15,000 get you?
Before I answer that question, let's take a step back in time for a moment.
Imagine if you will, a baby girl who has cerebral palsy from a young age of 1.5 years old. She lives with her grandma until she passes away. She then goes into foster care, but when she turns 21 she is forced into a nursing home. For old people. At 21 years old. Though she's in a wheelchair with a speech impediment, she fights to get out. Does so. Goes to college. Meets a man. Falls in love. Gets married. Has two children. She actively fights for the rights of those who are disabled, and is VERY involved in her children's lives and education. She is a strong strong woman who has overcome so much without giving it a second thought.
Now, imagine if you will, that same mother. Her clever son has asthma and sensory issues. Her bright daughter was recently diagnosed with a severe epilepsy disorder that leaves her in seizures 60-70 times daily unless she's medicated. This mother is watching her daughter slowly disappear, and yet realizes that her son still needs her too.
Let's continue, shall we? The same woman who was able to fall in love and marry was also able to fall out of love and divorce. Now she's a single mother whose ex sees the children once or twice a month. In a public setting. Enough said.
What does all of this have to do with $15,000?
That's how much this amazing woman lives off in a year. How? I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure that one out. It certainly puts things in perspective, though. Don't you think?
Before I answer that question, let's take a step back in time for a moment.
Imagine if you will, a baby girl who has cerebral palsy from a young age of 1.5 years old. She lives with her grandma until she passes away. She then goes into foster care, but when she turns 21 she is forced into a nursing home. For old people. At 21 years old. Though she's in a wheelchair with a speech impediment, she fights to get out. Does so. Goes to college. Meets a man. Falls in love. Gets married. Has two children. She actively fights for the rights of those who are disabled, and is VERY involved in her children's lives and education. She is a strong strong woman who has overcome so much without giving it a second thought.
Now, imagine if you will, that same mother. Her clever son has asthma and sensory issues. Her bright daughter was recently diagnosed with a severe epilepsy disorder that leaves her in seizures 60-70 times daily unless she's medicated. This mother is watching her daughter slowly disappear, and yet realizes that her son still needs her too.
Let's continue, shall we? The same woman who was able to fall in love and marry was also able to fall out of love and divorce. Now she's a single mother whose ex sees the children once or twice a month. In a public setting. Enough said.
What does all of this have to do with $15,000?
That's how much this amazing woman lives off in a year. How? I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure that one out. It certainly puts things in perspective, though. Don't you think?
Monday, December 12, 2011
Small Miracles
On my other blog I recently wrote about a little girl named Destiny. Her mommy recently posted on FB a photo of a letter that Destiny wrote to her grandparents, most likely her LAST letter she'll ever write. Her mommy is slowly watching her little girl go down hill and lose control of her life moment by moment. Poor Destiny has so many seizures that it's starting to take a toll on not only her personality, but her ability to learn new things or even maintain the abilities she already has. Her letter was rich with love but it was also rich with little reminders that she's slowly losing control of her fine movement. I looked at it and saw the agonizing frustration her mommy must feel in slowly seeing your daughter go away, not knowing what the future has in store for her, and not being able to do a thing about it.
My heart hurts today as I think about all the miracles my girls have the potential to achieve in their life time and thinking about what that would be like to see such potential for greatness slowly be torn away from me. I simply can not imagine. My soul must be refusing to believe that such horrid things exist.
My heart hurts today as I think about all the miracles my girls have the potential to achieve in their life time and thinking about what that would be like to see such potential for greatness slowly be torn away from me. I simply can not imagine. My soul must be refusing to believe that such horrid things exist.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Ah, Christmas
I'm thinking it's about time for us to decide once and for all what family traditions our little family wants to have. Forget dedicating the entire month of December to each set of grandparents and their own "Christmas." Forget trying to revolve around a sister who has decided she no longer celebrates the holiday that once meant so much to her because her boyfriend's religion. Forget trying to fit it all into one big all-encompassing package.
Take charge, Riffen! Get a back bone! It's now about you and your family. It's now time to define what it is that will mean a lot to YOU and YOUR girls. You can do it. Go, Reffin, Go!
Take charge, Riffen! Get a back bone! It's now about you and your family. It's now time to define what it is that will mean a lot to YOU and YOUR girls. You can do it. Go, Reffin, Go!
Monday, September 26, 2011
Lunch Plans
Last week...
Me: It's been a long time since I've seen you. Let's do lunch!
Sister: I can't this week. I'm too busy. I sent out resumes and have a couple interviews scheduled for next week.
Me: Oh, that's great. I have a couple big presentations I'm giving Monday morning and I'm sure I'll need to go out to lunch for my mental sake afterwards. How does Monday work?
Sister: Great! I have my interview that morning and we can get together to unwind afterwards.
Me: Yay! Yay!
Today...
Me: I tried to call you a bunch of times for lunch but you never answered.
Sister: I know.
Me: How did your interview go?
Sister: Oh!!! Really well. Thanks!
After a few more minutes of chatting, still no inquiry about how my presentations went and no explanation for why she bailed on me.
Yep, once again I feel like I'm below the bottom of the totom pole. Not exactly the "unwind" lunch I had anticipated or needed. Sigh.
Me: It's been a long time since I've seen you. Let's do lunch!
Sister: I can't this week. I'm too busy. I sent out resumes and have a couple interviews scheduled for next week.
Me: Oh, that's great. I have a couple big presentations I'm giving Monday morning and I'm sure I'll need to go out to lunch for my mental sake afterwards. How does Monday work?
Sister: Great! I have my interview that morning and we can get together to unwind afterwards.
Me: Yay! Yay!
Today...
Me: I tried to call you a bunch of times for lunch but you never answered.
Sister: I know.
Me: How did your interview go?
Sister: Oh!!! Really well. Thanks!
After a few more minutes of chatting, still no inquiry about how my presentations went and no explanation for why she bailed on me.
Yep, once again I feel like I'm below the bottom of the totom pole. Not exactly the "unwind" lunch I had anticipated or needed. Sigh.
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