She's an instant gratification gal. She always seems to be focused on the NOW and doesn't think about the FUTURE. If she wants it, then she needs it. If she needs it then she deserves it. If she deserves it then she she can justify it. If she can justify it then she goes through with it. And right now! Even if she might not be able to afford it - Either financially or morally.
Sometimes it really frustrates me.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Biting my tongue
Sometimes a picture can say it better than words. It's too bad that I'd probably have to explain the picture if I actually sent it.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Moving On is NOT the same as Moving In!
I don't think I've told anyone yet, but they got back together. For what I think would be obvious reasons, we're not too thrilled about this fact.
A few weeks ago, he surprised me by picking me up on the way to Estes Park and offering to carpool. We talked a bit about her and he seems happy. He then proceeded to tell me about how her new job requires that she's on call 24/7 and since she doesn't have a car, this means that he often has to get up in the middle of the night to drive her. What got me was what followed:
HIM: When we're rushing out the door in the middle of the night, I like to pretend that we're rushing her to the hospital.
ME: What do you mean? That's a weird thing to say.
HIM: You know, like she's pregnant and I'm rushing her to the hospital because she has gone into labor.
ME: (OH MY GOD, YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!!!!) Um... Do you want to have kids with her?
HIM: No, but it's fun to pretend.
ME: UH.
HIM: She likes it too. She thinks it's cute.
ME: UH.
Later that night, we were all sitting around the dinner table and the topic of family pictures came up:
HIM: Since we are all here together, I have an announcement to make.
EVERYONE: (Complete silence... we're not going to like this)
ME: (OH $#!+ OH $#!+ She's pregnant!)
HIM: She wants me to tell you that she would like a copy of one of the family pictures we have taken.
EVERYONE: (Sigh of relief)
ME: That's all?
HIM: Yeah. Is that OK?
Then yesterday, I also just found out that they moved in together. Though I had heard through the grapevine that they were thinking about it, I did not know that it had already happened. When I asked him why he didn't tell me and when he was planning on saying something, his response was "Well you told me I should wait for 6 months, so that's when I was going to tell you."
WHA??? I told you that you should wait and take things slowly before moving in and therefore that time frame is a good time to tell me that you've already been living with her for 6 months? Umm, I'm going to try not to comment on how horrible I think it is is that you're keeping stuff from your family now. Big stuff. It's stupid.
Combining the two details above, I can't help but wonder if there is more he's hiding. I don't like being a drama queen so I will be asking soon, but this could potentially be bad. Very bad. Ugh.
A few weeks ago, he surprised me by picking me up on the way to Estes Park and offering to carpool. We talked a bit about her and he seems happy. He then proceeded to tell me about how her new job requires that she's on call 24/7 and since she doesn't have a car, this means that he often has to get up in the middle of the night to drive her. What got me was what followed:
HIM: When we're rushing out the door in the middle of the night, I like to pretend that we're rushing her to the hospital.
ME: What do you mean? That's a weird thing to say.
HIM: You know, like she's pregnant and I'm rushing her to the hospital because she has gone into labor.
ME: (OH MY GOD, YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!!!!) Um... Do you want to have kids with her?
HIM: No, but it's fun to pretend.
ME: UH.
HIM: She likes it too. She thinks it's cute.
ME: UH.
Later that night, we were all sitting around the dinner table and the topic of family pictures came up:
HIM: Since we are all here together, I have an announcement to make.
EVERYONE: (Complete silence... we're not going to like this)
ME: (OH $#!+ OH $#!+ She's pregnant!)
HIM: She wants me to tell you that she would like a copy of one of the family pictures we have taken.
EVERYONE: (Sigh of relief)
ME: That's all?
HIM: Yeah. Is that OK?
Then yesterday, I also just found out that they moved in together. Though I had heard through the grapevine that they were thinking about it, I did not know that it had already happened. When I asked him why he didn't tell me and when he was planning on saying something, his response was "Well you told me I should wait for 6 months, so that's when I was going to tell you."
WHA??? I told you that you should wait and take things slowly before moving in and therefore that time frame is a good time to tell me that you've already been living with her for 6 months? Umm, I'm going to try not to comment on how horrible I think it is is that you're keeping stuff from your family now. Big stuff. It's stupid.
Combining the two details above, I can't help but wonder if there is more he's hiding. I don't like being a drama queen so I will be asking soon, but this could potentially be bad. Very bad. Ugh.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Poll on Responsibility
I'm reaching out to you in trying to determine what should be expected here... Tell me which position you lean towards:
Position 1:
When a family member offers to take Ellie for a period of time (whether it be an afternoon, a day or even a few days), it should be assumed that the agreed upon duration will be carried out. Plans are made with a given available time in mind. No returning Ellie unexpectedly early.
Position 2:
Ultimately Ellie is our responsibility and thus we have no reason to complain if she returns from a visit earlier than expected. Whatever duration she ends up staying away makes for a nice break and should be appreciated as is, even if we need to cut our plans short. Ellie can be exhausting for anyone and possibly more so on those who aren't around her all the time.
Position 1:
When a family member offers to take Ellie for a period of time (whether it be an afternoon, a day or even a few days), it should be assumed that the agreed upon duration will be carried out. Plans are made with a given available time in mind. No returning Ellie unexpectedly early.
Position 2:
Ultimately Ellie is our responsibility and thus we have no reason to complain if she returns from a visit earlier than expected. Whatever duration she ends up staying away makes for a nice break and should be appreciated as is, even if we need to cut our plans short. Ellie can be exhausting for anyone and possibly more so on those who aren't around her all the time.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Room for improvement
I think I need to work on not getting defensive when people make comments about Ellie or her behavior. I am realizing that it's a pet-peeve of mine that people comment on Ellie being fussy when she's hungry or tired. Or, on a related note, when people make a comment about trying to stick to a somewhat rigid schedule. I know that this is partly lingering frustration from my trip to the beach, but I am sure that it's an area in which it would be worthwhile for me to try harder to just ignore and not respond to what someone says, especially if that someone doesn't mean anything bad by it.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Nicknames
We originally picked Ellie's name because we loved the fact that it was a beautiful name with two relatively good nicknames (one being Ellie and one being Lori). We figured that we would call her Ellie as a child and she could go by Lori as an adult (if she so desires).
As it turns out, we rarely actually use "Ellie". I use that name on my blogs, but in person, I feel like her full name fits her so much better. Some of the grandparents call her Ellie, and I'm fine with that. It doesn't bother me.
However, what does bother me is Jen. I realize that since my name is Jennifer, most people will call me Jen. I don't mind it when it's spoken. I don't mind friends, coworkers or random people calling me Jen when they speak to me. What I do mind is being introduced as Jen. Or worse yet... having my name be "Jen" on something official or keepsake-worthy, like the recently autographed photograph taken by an in-law. He wrote "To Michael and Jen".
It's not the first time that it's happened. When we were married, I received quite a few gifts (mostly from family on the hubby's side) that were engraved or cross-stitched with the names "Michael and Jen." Why does he get to be Michael instead of Mike, but I can't be Jennifer???
I'm not Jen, people! I'm Jennifer! If you're going to include my name on something that is somewhat-permanent... use the right name! And to think that I thought this was addressed years ago. Ugh. I wish it didn't bother me so much because it's so silly, but it does. It really does. UGH.
As it turns out, we rarely actually use "Ellie". I use that name on my blogs, but in person, I feel like her full name fits her so much better. Some of the grandparents call her Ellie, and I'm fine with that. It doesn't bother me.
However, what does bother me is Jen. I realize that since my name is Jennifer, most people will call me Jen. I don't mind it when it's spoken. I don't mind friends, coworkers or random people calling me Jen when they speak to me. What I do mind is being introduced as Jen. Or worse yet... having my name be "Jen" on something official or keepsake-worthy, like the recently autographed photograph taken by an in-law. He wrote "To Michael and Jen".
It's not the first time that it's happened. When we were married, I received quite a few gifts (mostly from family on the hubby's side) that were engraved or cross-stitched with the names "Michael and Jen." Why does he get to be Michael instead of Mike, but I can't be Jennifer???
I'm not Jen, people! I'm Jennifer! If you're going to include my name on something that is somewhat-permanent... use the right name! And to think that I thought this was addressed years ago. Ugh. I wish it didn't bother me so much because it's so silly, but it does. It really does. UGH.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Golden Rule for Toddlers
I think in this point in time, if there is one rule we must stick to with Ellie, it's:
DO NOT MESS WITH THE SCHEDULE!
Seriously, as long as you keep her from getting tired or hungry, she's really quite a pleasant little person to be with, but stray from the schedule by 15 or 30 minutes and you're asking for trouble. Stray by an hour and everyone is miserable. I say this as a pre-req for the venting session I'm about to embark upon. Most people are willing to stick to the schedule, acknowledging that we don't do it just for fun.
In fact, when I was telling the family about the general schedule, the conversation went something like this:
Mommy: Ellie usually does best if we stick to a general schedule. She usually wakes up at 6 or 7 and goes down for a nap around 12:30 and sleeps until 2:30 or 3:00. She usually eats dinner between 5 and 6 and then goes to bed at 7:30. If we keep her from getting hungry or tired, life is much more enjoyable.
Grandma: Oh really? That strict?
Mommy: Yeah, I realize that most people make fun of us for sticking to a schedule...
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (ignoring Grandpa's comment)... but really at this age, it's easiest for Ellie....
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (acknowledging he said something) I know. Anyway, she just can't emotionally handle herself if she's hungry or tired.
Grandma: Oh. I guess it's better to not mess with fire.
Anyway, I will be posting pictures from our trip to the beach soon, along with the happy-go-lucky stories that can be shared with all. In the mean time, you'll have to settle for the true gossip. Yay!
Though it started off well, over all the trip to the beach just got more and more frustrating. It was the first time when I felt like family members did very little to try to include Ellie in activities. Some examples:
Mommy: (Upon arriving after a long day of traveling) What's the plan for dinner?
Grandpa: Oh, we don't really have anything planned. We could go out and buy something to cook.
Mommy: Oh, well we really need to get food in this little girl's tummy as quickly as possible. How about we just go out?
Grandpa: Do you really want to go out and spend that kind of money? We could go to the store and buy burgers and bring them back to cook.
Mommy: That will take a long time. (It's too bad you didn't buy the stuff while waiting for us to show up. Grrr.) We'll pay for dinner.
Grandpa: Huff puff. I suppose we could go to a pub down the street. Is anyone even hungry yet, though?
Mommy: Ellie would you like fruit salad for dinner?
Ellie: Yeah!
Mommy: Do you want to help Mommy make it?
Ellie: Yeah!
Grandpa: Uh... maybe we could just give her her own fruit to play with and not have her mess with the food for others?
Mommy: Of course we'll wash our hands first, right Ellie?
Ellie: Yeah! I wash ands and elp fruit salad! Nummy Nummy!
Grandpa: No, I think it would be better for all if we just set aside some fruit for her.
Grandma: I was hoping we could all eat dinner together tonight!
Mommy: Well Ellie typically eats around 5:00 or 6:00.
Grandma: I'm not going to be hungry that early, so let's plan on dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
Mommy: Fine, but Ellie needs to eat sooner and we'll be putting her to bed at that time.
Grandma: Well I was really hoping we could all eat together. It should be ok because Ellie is used to being two hours behind us. We're on East-Coast time here, you know (no S#!+ Sherlock!).
Mommy: Yes, but she wakes up to the East Coast sunrise, so the time change doesn't matter.
Grandma: Ok, so we'll eat dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
The above example repeated most days. Whenever we would decide to try to push Ellie's dinner and bedtime off a little bit, Ellie would have emotional hunger and tired driven breakdowns, to which we would get responses like the following:
Grandma: What is her problem today? Why is she so upset? What is her problem?
Grandpa: Well, if you want to teach her that crying is acceptable then go ahead and try to calm her down. If that's the lesson you want her to learn.
UGH, people! Don't you realize that she wouldn't even be upset in the first place if she wasn't so hungry and so tired????
Mommy: The guys are out fishing. What are your plans for the afternoon?
Aunt A: We're going to go shopping.
Mommy: Are you by chance taking the car or the bikes so that Ellie and I can join?
Aunt A: Nope. It's just the three of us (Aunt G, Grandma and Aunt A) so we're going to walk.
Mommy: Oh. Ok. I guess Ellie and I will stay here for the next few hours and play games by ourselves.
Aunt A: Ok. Have fun.
Daddy: We'd like to mix up activities a little since Ellie is somewhat terrified of the water. Maybe we could go to the playground with her?
Grandma: Well, I suppose, but I'd really like to accomplish more than just the playground in the afternoon.
Daddy: Well Ellie usually wakes from her nap around 3 and eats around 5 or 6. That doesn't leave a lot of time to accomplish much more than one activity.
Grandma: Huff puff.
Daddy: Let's just see how it goes.
Grandma: Ok. We can probably put in an hour or two at the beach before dinner, too.
Mommy: We'd like to get away for a little while to take some belly shots. We're going to finally take you up on your offer to watch Ellie for us (they offered, but kept coming up with reasons why "now just isn't good").
Grandma: I suppose now is as good of a time as any.
Mommy: Yes, especially since we leave tomorrow morning and are running out of opportunities.
Grandma: Huff. Puff. Ok, but when do you think you'll be back?
Mommy: 15-20 minutes.
Grandma: Oh, is that all? Sure! Go! Take a break! You deserve one!
I guess I'm a little naive. In my mind, these are family members who do not get to spend nearly as much time with Ellie as they would like, nor as much as we'd like them to be able to, so when the opportunity presents itself I would expect them to try to work around Ellie's abilities to join in on an activity. We were very disappointed in the lack of opportunities to get pictures of Ellie with her aunts (absolutely no opportunities came up because they did NOTHING together) and disappointed in feeling like we had to force and remind the grandparents to participate in something with her. Heck, I felt like my friends (who have no family-relationship to Ellie) include her better than these particular family members. It was sad.
And that's not even the frustrations I had that weren't Ellie-related. It was the first time I got a good glimpse of how the boys (Daddy and his brother) were treated with different standards than the girls (the step sisters). It's unfair and just plain rude, and even I got infuriated about it when I normally just shrug off the topic.
Sigh. This is the most frustrated I've ever been with how family members have interacted with Ellie (or in this case, the lack thereof). Thanks for the vent, internet! =)
DO NOT MESS WITH THE SCHEDULE!
Seriously, as long as you keep her from getting tired or hungry, she's really quite a pleasant little person to be with, but stray from the schedule by 15 or 30 minutes and you're asking for trouble. Stray by an hour and everyone is miserable. I say this as a pre-req for the venting session I'm about to embark upon. Most people are willing to stick to the schedule, acknowledging that we don't do it just for fun.
In fact, when I was telling the family about the general schedule, the conversation went something like this:
Mommy: Ellie usually does best if we stick to a general schedule. She usually wakes up at 6 or 7 and goes down for a nap around 12:30 and sleeps until 2:30 or 3:00. She usually eats dinner between 5 and 6 and then goes to bed at 7:30. If we keep her from getting hungry or tired, life is much more enjoyable.
Grandma: Oh really? That strict?
Mommy: Yeah, I realize that most people make fun of us for sticking to a schedule...
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (ignoring Grandpa's comment)... but really at this age, it's easiest for Ellie....
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (acknowledging he said something) I know. Anyway, she just can't emotionally handle herself if she's hungry or tired.
Grandma: Oh. I guess it's better to not mess with fire.
Anyway, I will be posting pictures from our trip to the beach soon, along with the happy-go-lucky stories that can be shared with all. In the mean time, you'll have to settle for the true gossip. Yay!
Though it started off well, over all the trip to the beach just got more and more frustrating. It was the first time when I felt like family members did very little to try to include Ellie in activities. Some examples:
Mommy: (Upon arriving after a long day of traveling) What's the plan for dinner?
Grandpa: Oh, we don't really have anything planned. We could go out and buy something to cook.
Mommy: Oh, well we really need to get food in this little girl's tummy as quickly as possible. How about we just go out?
Grandpa: Do you really want to go out and spend that kind of money? We could go to the store and buy burgers and bring them back to cook.
Mommy: That will take a long time. (It's too bad you didn't buy the stuff while waiting for us to show up. Grrr.) We'll pay for dinner.
Grandpa: Huff puff. I suppose we could go to a pub down the street. Is anyone even hungry yet, though?
Mommy: Ellie would you like fruit salad for dinner?
Ellie: Yeah!
Mommy: Do you want to help Mommy make it?
Ellie: Yeah!
Grandpa: Uh... maybe we could just give her her own fruit to play with and not have her mess with the food for others?
Mommy: Of course we'll wash our hands first, right Ellie?
Ellie: Yeah! I wash ands and elp fruit salad! Nummy Nummy!
Grandpa: No, I think it would be better for all if we just set aside some fruit for her.
Grandma: I was hoping we could all eat dinner together tonight!
Mommy: Well Ellie typically eats around 5:00 or 6:00.
Grandma: I'm not going to be hungry that early, so let's plan on dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
Mommy: Fine, but Ellie needs to eat sooner and we'll be putting her to bed at that time.
Grandma: Well I was really hoping we could all eat together. It should be ok because Ellie is used to being two hours behind us. We're on East-Coast time here, you know (no S#!+ Sherlock!).
Mommy: Yes, but she wakes up to the East Coast sunrise, so the time change doesn't matter.
Grandma: Ok, so we'll eat dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
The above example repeated most days. Whenever we would decide to try to push Ellie's dinner and bedtime off a little bit, Ellie would have emotional hunger and tired driven breakdowns, to which we would get responses like the following:
Grandma: What is her problem today? Why is she so upset? What is her problem?
Grandpa: Well, if you want to teach her that crying is acceptable then go ahead and try to calm her down. If that's the lesson you want her to learn.
UGH, people! Don't you realize that she wouldn't even be upset in the first place if she wasn't so hungry and so tired????
Mommy: The guys are out fishing. What are your plans for the afternoon?
Aunt A: We're going to go shopping.
Mommy: Are you by chance taking the car or the bikes so that Ellie and I can join?
Aunt A: Nope. It's just the three of us (Aunt G, Grandma and Aunt A) so we're going to walk.
Mommy: Oh. Ok. I guess Ellie and I will stay here for the next few hours and play games by ourselves.
Aunt A: Ok. Have fun.
Daddy: We'd like to mix up activities a little since Ellie is somewhat terrified of the water. Maybe we could go to the playground with her?
Grandma: Well, I suppose, but I'd really like to accomplish more than just the playground in the afternoon.
Daddy: Well Ellie usually wakes from her nap around 3 and eats around 5 or 6. That doesn't leave a lot of time to accomplish much more than one activity.
Grandma: Huff puff.
Daddy: Let's just see how it goes.
Grandma: Ok. We can probably put in an hour or two at the beach before dinner, too.
Mommy: We'd like to get away for a little while to take some belly shots. We're going to finally take you up on your offer to watch Ellie for us (they offered, but kept coming up with reasons why "now just isn't good").
Grandma: I suppose now is as good of a time as any.
Mommy: Yes, especially since we leave tomorrow morning and are running out of opportunities.
Grandma: Huff. Puff. Ok, but when do you think you'll be back?
Mommy: 15-20 minutes.
Grandma: Oh, is that all? Sure! Go! Take a break! You deserve one!
I guess I'm a little naive. In my mind, these are family members who do not get to spend nearly as much time with Ellie as they would like, nor as much as we'd like them to be able to, so when the opportunity presents itself I would expect them to try to work around Ellie's abilities to join in on an activity. We were very disappointed in the lack of opportunities to get pictures of Ellie with her aunts (absolutely no opportunities came up because they did NOTHING together) and disappointed in feeling like we had to force and remind the grandparents to participate in something with her. Heck, I felt like my friends (who have no family-relationship to Ellie) include her better than these particular family members. It was sad.
And that's not even the frustrations I had that weren't Ellie-related. It was the first time I got a good glimpse of how the boys (Daddy and his brother) were treated with different standards than the girls (the step sisters). It's unfair and just plain rude, and even I got infuriated about it when I normally just shrug off the topic.
Sigh. This is the most frustrated I've ever been with how family members have interacted with Ellie (or in this case, the lack thereof). Thanks for the vent, internet! =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
