Well what do you think depression feels like?

Last time I wrote about a comment that my mom made that ticked me off. I don't really mean for this blog to be a venting arena towards the things that my mom does or says, but it certainly seems to be that way.

The other day she went into the closet to get Addie from a nap (she's been sleeping in the closet to keep from waking Ellie up and because she sleeps better in the dark) and she comes back and says (with a smile) "I saw Addie sleeping in her car seat in the dark closet and I couldn't help but think to myself that this has got to be some form of chil_d a_buse."

When I was 8.5 months pregnant, she told me about some nasty stretch marks that my brother's girlfriend has. One, it was tacky to say such things about her because she doesn't have the means to fix the stretch marks she has. People can't control where or how badly they get stretch marks. But, considering the comment - it's not what you say to a super pregnant woman who might be (and happens to be) dealing with a similar issue.

Ugh. Why has my mom become this way? What happened to her?

Could it be the depression? Should I continue with the real purpose of this post?

She once again commented on my attitude about taking care of the baby. She said it out of concern, and I understand that, but she said she was worried about me having postpartum depression. I will admit that I get emotional easily, especially if I'm really tired, but why does she keep having these type of conversations after I just had a bad night with the baby?

I told her that I really did not feel depressed that I was happy, just tired. Her response was, "well, what do you think depression feels like?" in a "Ha, I just proved myself right" sort of tone. Ok, fair enough. She knows better than I do what depression feels like, but surely there is a difference between being tired and being depressed. I would think that you'd first make sure you have no reason to be tired, and then if you still are you'd investigate why.

Addie was up every 30 minutes from 2:00-5:00 AM the previous couple nights. She was only taking 20 minute naps during the day. I was tired. I feel like I have a legitimate reason for just wanting to sleep.

But what do I know? I don't really know anything about depression and I do appreciate her concern. Really.

You're beginning to sound like me

While Mother was over spending a few minutes with us last night I found that I had a hard time not getting frustrated with her. This is unfortunate because I was hoping it would be easier this time around since she's not "staying with us" whenever she stops by to help.

Anyway, I am amazed that she always seems so surprised to find out that I'm tired. She'll call me on the phone and say "You sound tired?!?!" To which I have to think "No $#!+ Sherlock... I have a newborn to take care of." This happens just about every time I see her or get a phone call from her. It gets tiring. Excuse the pun.

Last night she was here talking to me while I was feeding Addie. I made a comment about how I was tired and looking forward to when Addie would be bigger and have more of a cute personality like Ellie has. Mother said "Now you're beginning to sound like me. I never enjoyed parenthood because I always thought it was too much work. You should be enjoying this moment because it won't last."

Oh no, you don't. You're not going to lecture me about making sure I appreciate parenthood and how quickly these little ones grow up. Why do you think I have a blog??? Sure, I take time for granted at times... who doesn't? But I really do feel like I do a better job of appreciating these brief moments than most people do. And if others appreciate them as much, I certainly document them more than most parents so that one day I can go back and be reminded of the cute moments. Most parents forget about them, simply because there are too many of them to remember. But I keep a blog. I write as often as I can and notice so many things about my daughter (and second daughter to come) that I feel like I wouldn't normally.

So don't you lecture me about enjoying parenthood. There is a difference between being tired and being ungrateful. I'm sorry to hear that we were so difficult on you and that you were not a happy mother when we were young, but please do not assume the same of me just because I acknowledge how much I'm looking forward to spending time with Addie when she's a little older.

Whew. I guess I needed to get that one off my chest. I think my hormones are still flying. Maybe I should be napping with Addie right now instead. LOL.

* Sweet Dreams

I'd say I've done a pretty good job of not getting on my mom's case about being late with the nursery. She's really been helpful and I want her to know I appreciate her efforts, but I also feel like she has been slacking when it comes to preparing for this second baby.

That's all.

Ellie's Parents

I'm not sure if I can put my finger on what Ellie's parents are doing right in regards to their marriage, but so far so good. I wish I could say the same about the other two family marriages that also occurred in 2004. Though I suspected one of them to have their challenges, I never thought they'd both be nearing divorce only 5 years later.

It really has me looking at my own marriage. I don't know what it is we are doing right but I do feel like things are going strong (I certainly hope Michael feels the same... lol). I hope that whatever it is we're doing, it is giving Ellie a good example of what she deserves in her own future.

When I try to analyze the situation and find common issues in the other marriages (which already I know is unfair because each situation is different), one of the main common traits I come up with is that they have both been keeping their finances separate. This concept never made sense to me because I feel like it's more of a room mate situation than a soul mate.

Does a marriage have to be one of "what's yours is mine and mine is yours" or is it possible to work with "what's yours is yours and mine is mine - don't ask don't tell" environment? From my limited data sample, it seems to me that the unity of a marriage is key, and I think it's key for one reason - equality.

Can you really have equality in a relationship if you're worried about each other doing their share? Now that I think about it - it's a little contradicting, isn't it? If you worry about each partner doing their share then you officially end up with equality. On paper. But I think it backfires on you when you're discussing equality in respect for each other.

Hmm... I'm going to have to think about that one a little more. Whatever it is that Ellie's parents are doing right in their marriage, I'd like to keep it that way. It would be helpful to know what the secret is, though. What's your secret to a happy marriage?

Ha ha ha... Please don't tell me that the secret to your happy marriage is sleep. That will be going away again very very soon, if not already. Sleep might be the second key to a good marriage, though. =)

In the labor room

When Ellie was born, my mom planned a road trip with her sister to bring a bunch of stuff out to us. The plan was to take their time heading across the country and arrive in Maryland in time for the baby's birth. Since Ellie came a little early, this plan didn't last long and turned into a mad dash across the country in bad weather. My mom was upset that she "didn't make it in time" and I always somewhat questioned what the big deal was because the baby was only a few hours old when she did arrive.

I never really made the connection that she was actually trying to make it in time to **WATCH** the birth and to be present in the room with us.

Until now.

She asked if she could be present for Baby II's birth and I told her that we wanted it to be just the two of us. It was obvious that she was hurt by this and now I question ow important it really is to her.

Is it weird that I don't think I want my mom to be there? In the past, the mother-to-be would often want her mom to be there because she's been there and done that. But that's can't even be said about my mom (all three of us were c-sections).

I don't think it would be bad having her there. I'm sure she would try her hardest to make sure she stayed out of the way and helped in any way she could.

But we do question the effect she would have, mainly in regards to Michael. Michael would be concerned that with my mom there, he would find himself wondering what to do himself. That is the down-side to a well-intentioned helper. It leaves little for others to help out with.

He also questions the effect she would have on my decision for an epidural. We'd like to go as long as possible without one, but he acknowledges that I'm very persuasive. I'll agree with whoever I'm talking to at a given point in time, and my mom definitely affects many of my decisions and viewpoints. Michael fears that with him and the doula encouraging me that I can continue without an epidural, if there is a third voice in the room (especially if that voice is my mom's) saying something along the lines of "maybe now **is** the time" then I would lean towards believing that viewpoint.

Anyway, I didn't mean to go into too many details. I'm just wondering in this day and age, how common is it to have your mother in the room with you while you give birth? Did you? Would you? It's a tough question I think.

The names

If you had asked me Friday morning what name my baby would have if it's a boy, I would have told you that I was going to talk my husband into using Danick.

We love the name Danica for a girl (we just like Adeline better) and love the meaning it has. Danica means "Morning Star" but could also have the nickname of Danny that we really like.

If you take Danica and turn it into a boy's name, Danick is the result. No, I didn't make it up. It's a real name. There are people out there who respond to "Hey, Danick!"

I thought the best part of the name was that we could use "Nikki" for a nickname (from my Grandpa) and Danick itself is less popular than Dominic.

But when we were eliminating names from our list, my hubby pointed out the fact, plain and simple... if we picked Danick for the boy in hopes of using Nikki as a nickname, his family would use Danny instead.

His uncle's name was Dan and he died a decade ago. My hubby pointed out that even if we picked the name Danick for my grandpa, his family wouldn't see it that way. He flat out said "Will bother you that they call him Danny when you were really hoping for Nikki?"

The answer is yes. Yes it would, which is weird because I even like the nickname Danny. But it would be frustrating for me (and I'm sure our son) if my family called him Nikki, Michael's family called him Danny and we called him Danick because, like with Ellie, that's how we see him.

It's a shame, though, because I liked the name a lot. But my hubby is right. He knows me too well. It would bother me too much to go that route.

A note to Cracker's Mom: I totally see your point in the nicknames potentially being a negative when it comes to naming a child. Sigh.

Love and Logic - learning at an affordable price

Sorry for giving no solid details about what is leading me to write these things, but feel free to email me personally if you want to discuss it...

One of the key points that I think the ideas behind Love & Logic focus on is learning big life lessons when the price is small. Teach your kids how to pay off debt when the amount they owe you is only $5. Teach your kids that if they don't have the $10 to buy the latest and greatest toy, then they need to wait to earn the money. Maybe they could even do extra work to get the money faster? Teach the kid that if they don't keep ahead in debt then they might just have to give that special toy back.

The thought is that it's better to learn those types of lessons when the consequence is low than it is to learn later in life when the price is big (or even in some lessons - dangerous).

I have this inherent desire to help people, especially those in need and those who are close to me. But recently I've wondered how it's even possible to help someone who has gotten so far down the path they're in. When will that lesson be learned for them? Apparently not now. I can only sit back and hope that she makes it out OK, but I can't help but think about the enormous amounts of money that could be saved if she learned how to properly use her piggy bank decades ago.

Do you think Ellie is old enough to start learning about saving her money?

MJH - I'm not sure how often you read my blogs anymore, but if you read this, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it and at what age you started to work on teaching your little ones about money. I seem to recall it being a topic of discussion earlier, so maybe I'll search through your older comments.

UPDATE: Here is a link to some cool piggy banks and ideas that Mani sent me. Thanks!