Name calling

I've recently posted a question about whether or not I should say something to daycare for using "Lori" as a nickname for Ellie. As a result, I had a conversation with Michael about it and it turns out that even "Ellie" bothers him.

When we first came up with her name, we liked it because we could use "Ellie" as a family nickname. Michael liked that idea until "strangers" didn't know her real name. The real connection was this:

Ellie and I stayed with my sister and brother-in-law for a month when we first moved back to CO. Aunt Erin calls her Ellie. My brother-in-law's sister was living with them so she called her Ellie. Then at Aunt Erin's graduation dinner, the parents of the sister of the brother-in-law didn't know Ellie's real name. In fact, they thought that Ellie WAS her name. This bothered me, but it REALLY bothered Michael.

Since then I have tried to tell my family that we like them using Ellie, but to introduce her by her full name. But the damage has already been done. Apparently whenever he hears "Ellie" he cringes and wonders if the person even really knows her full name. He admits that it's not logical because he knows that Grandma knows her full name, yet he has the same thought whenever he hears her say Ellie. Same goes for Grandpa.

He also admits that it's probably something that just needs to take some time to get used to. Much like it will take me time to get used to people calling her Lori long before she's mature enough to be a Lori. I guess in the end, I now understand what other parents were saying when they got upset that people don't use their children's full names. Thank goodness we didn't have a boy and named him Harrison, even though Grandma insisted no one uses the name Harry anymore. LOL.

A on-going UGH

Posted by a fellow Boulder-Mom:

I dropped off the list for a while, and there has probably been a
flood of chicken pox in my absence... but just to say I am still on
the hunt for infection - and still willing to do whatever I can (host
a tea party!) to pass it on...

Tough Decisions

Michael and I have had a couple tough conversations in the last week regarding my dad drinking again. The problem is that 1. He's drinking again (duh) and 2. He's really good at hiding how much he's had to drink. So after a lot of tough consideration, we finally came to the conclusion that things need to change.

We were hoping that we would be able to leave Ellie with Pappy and Grammie occasionally so that we could go visit places like Branson, MO. However that's not possible anymore. Unfortunately we decided that due to Pappy drinking again, some things have to change.

1. We will not leave her alone with him for any long duration of time. It's not that I think Pappy would do anything to hurt her, but I wouldn't trust anyone who has been drinking to take care of her.

2. We will not allow him to drive with us in the car. Can you imagine how torn up the family would be if something were to happen to Ellie while he was driving? From now on, we drive. Period.

Seriously, the problem stems from the fact that we won't ever really know how much he has been drinking. I think it's unfortunate for us to need to resort to these decisions, but I also think it's a no-brain-er.

On a slightly unrelated topic, I recently became friends with someone who is dealing with the same thing, only locally. Her mother-in-law started drinking again, and she had to take away her weekly afternoon with the grandkids. At least I don't have to deal with it on a regular basis. I only have to worry about it on the occasional times that we are fortunate enough to see Pappy. It could be worse.

Life examples

I always figured that part of the reason I don't smoke, nor do my siblings or cousins (on my dad's side) was because we saw what my grandpa went through. Apparently the family thought he was near the end when I went to visit him as a newborn. Every year we'd go and see them and would be told "Now kids, this may be the last time we see Grandpa." I guess since we were told so often, we never really believed it. Maybe death is always a surprise. Anyway, he finally ended up passing when I was a Sophomore in college. What a long, drawn-out painful death.

I know he affected my decision to not smoke and I've never lit a single cigarette, nor have I even come close to wanting to. However, I've wondered what it will be like for my children. They won't have a grandpa to show them the dangers of cigarettes.

But I guess they will have one to show them the dangers of alcoholism. Grandpa has started drinking again. As a disclaimer, I should say that it is only on "special occasions" (according to him) and that it's not a problem right now. Key words are "right now". I guess only time will tell where it will end up. Am I a horrible person if I say that on the bright side, my children will have an example of the dangers of alcohol?

Yes. I think I may be.

Moody Ellie

I'm not really sure what to do about this, so I've decided to vent about it as a solution. =)

Grandma has a habit that bothers me, though I'm not really sure why.

There really is no doubt that Ellie is getting closer and closer to the "terrible twos" because she has started to do things like refuse to get dressed, or stay still during a diaper change. It's all normal, I'm sure, and I'm trying to introduce choices in her daily routine in hopes of helping the situation. So far, it isn't anything major, very few actual break downs. She just usually complains and twists and turns a lot.

So what does this have to do with Grandma? It's her comments that bother me.

"Hey, there is no need for that!"
Yes, there is a need. She doesn't want to get dressed. She doesn't want to stop playing to get her diaper changed. She doesn't want to eat a banana, she'd rather eat peaches but she doesn't know how to tell you. There is always a *need* for a toddler's reactions. I'm sure it's frustrating for them to have these feelings of independence without being able to express them.

"Boy, you're a grump today!"
Yes, but do you need to bring more attention to it? I find that children will be what you say they are (something I learned from Grandma) and if you say they're a grump, they will stay that way. The quicker I change the subject and move on to the next activity, the quicker her attitude changes.

"You are a strong willed, little monster, aren't you?"
See comment above.

"I don't think I like you when you're grumpy."
You don't like her? You DON'T LIKE her? No, say something like "I don't like this behavior" but not "her!" Granted, Grandma usually fixes this in her next sentence or two, but the damage I think is already done.

Everything Grandma says is true. It is hard to deal with her at time and she can be a grump. So that's why I don't know what to say, because it bothers me when she makes comments like that, but I feel like I can not fault her in saying the thoughts we're all thinking.

What might have been

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been

We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past...

So try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been

That same old look in your eyes
It's a beautiful night, I'm so tempted to stay
But too much time has gone by
We should just say good bye, and turn and walk away...

And try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been
No we'll never know, what might have been


I had lunch today with an old friend. He and my mom dated for many years while I was in junior high and high school. In many ways he was in my life when it mattered most. Things didn't work out between them, but it's one of those situations where it left us all wondering "what if". At times things were amazing with him, but at other times they weren't. Obviously it was the latter that ended up prevailing, but the former that keeps us holding on to memories hoping they don't disappear for good.

It was weird to see him today. It's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that he isn't a big part of my life anymore. I wish he were. I wish he could see my daughter grow. I wish he could be a Grandpa that could show her the world through playful eyes, like he showed me.

In fact, I owe N!ffer to him. He was the one who started it, and probably the only one who truly referred to me by that name. Now it's a name that I hold dearly. Only those closest to me have the right to call me N!ffer, and I love it when they do. That wouldn't be the case without him, and I think it goes to show how much he meant to me.

I can't help but wonder, though, what might have been if they had stayed together. I feel like my mom would be the same person I thought she always was, maybe a more playful, less cynical version of herself now. I don't mean to insult my mom. I just think that she would be different had things ended differently. You tend to become more like the person you're with, and just because she is more like her current husband does not mean it would have been better the other way. It just means I wonder. I can't help but feel like we'd be a closer family if they had stayed together. We would have played more with each other. We would have more fun. Things would be less serious.

I would love for Ellie to grow to know this man who meant so much to me and it hurts to be reminded of the fact that it probably won't happen. It's just not practical, is it? However, I wonder if I will ever be able to tell Ellie the stories about this guy and how he helped me become who I am. Maybe it's one of those things that would mean more to her Mommy than to her, but I do hope that I will be able to show Ellie that this man deserves a lot of credit for who and where I am and he means a lot to me, even if he is no longer a big part of my life. I wish he were.

Germ-a-phobe

I've wondered at times how people who are major germ-a-phobes can deal with having young kids. Germs have never really bothered me, but I certainly never appreciated the ability of a toddler to find them.

This last weekend we went up to Estes Park for Labor Day weekend. My brother was up there too, but he was really sick. Michael and I kept thinking that he should just go home if he felt that sick, but I'm sure that he would be better taken care of with my mom around. Anyway, he spent the entire weekend on the couch in the living room, hacking up a storm. It was gross.

Knowing that Ellie is a germ catcher, as all young kids are, we tried to keep away from him as much as possible. We thought we were doing good, too, but then we went out to dinner (just the two of us) and came back to find that Ellie and Uncle Jake were playing a game that they both apparently found to be very entertaining.

Here's how the game worked:
1. Uncle Jake tosses a used klenix across the room
2. Ellie trotts over, picks it up and returns it to Uncle Jake

UM, HELLO???!!! You have got to be kidding me?!

I will not go into too many details about the consequences of playing this game, but I will say that I learned something new about a cold that comes from a virus. Did you know that it's possible for the cold to spread around a toddler's entire body, resulting in a rash from head to toe? Doctors say it's nothing to worry about and will go away in a few days (which it seems to be doing so) just like with a normal virus. We were also reminded that a virus in our family typically goes to Ellie first, then Mommy and finally Daddy.

Ugh. Next time, we may seriously think twice about whether or not it's rude to tell someone to just go home!