I'm reaching out to you in trying to determine what should be expected here... Tell me which position you lean towards:
Position 1:
When a family member offers to take Ellie for a period of time (whether it be an afternoon, a day or even a few days), it should be assumed that the agreed upon duration will be carried out. Plans are made with a given available time in mind. No returning Ellie unexpectedly early.
Position 2:
Ultimately Ellie is our responsibility and thus we have no reason to complain if she returns from a visit earlier than expected. Whatever duration she ends up staying away makes for a nice break and should be appreciated as is, even if we need to cut our plans short. Ellie can be exhausting for anyone and possibly more so on those who aren't around her all the time.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Room for improvement
I think I need to work on not getting defensive when people make comments about Ellie or her behavior. I am realizing that it's a pet-peeve of mine that people comment on Ellie being fussy when she's hungry or tired. Or, on a related note, when people make a comment about trying to stick to a somewhat rigid schedule. I know that this is partly lingering frustration from my trip to the beach, but I am sure that it's an area in which it would be worthwhile for me to try harder to just ignore and not respond to what someone says, especially if that someone doesn't mean anything bad by it.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Nicknames
We originally picked Ellie's name because we loved the fact that it was a beautiful name with two relatively good nicknames (one being Ellie and one being Lori). We figured that we would call her Ellie as a child and she could go by Lori as an adult (if she so desires).
As it turns out, we rarely actually use "Ellie". I use that name on my blogs, but in person, I feel like her full name fits her so much better. Some of the grandparents call her Ellie, and I'm fine with that. It doesn't bother me.
However, what does bother me is Jen. I realize that since my name is Jennifer, most people will call me Jen. I don't mind it when it's spoken. I don't mind friends, coworkers or random people calling me Jen when they speak to me. What I do mind is being introduced as Jen. Or worse yet... having my name be "Jen" on something official or keepsake-worthy, like the recently autographed photograph taken by an in-law. He wrote "To Michael and Jen".
It's not the first time that it's happened. When we were married, I received quite a few gifts (mostly from family on the hubby's side) that were engraved or cross-stitched with the names "Michael and Jen." Why does he get to be Michael instead of Mike, but I can't be Jennifer???
I'm not Jen, people! I'm Jennifer! If you're going to include my name on something that is somewhat-permanent... use the right name! And to think that I thought this was addressed years ago. Ugh. I wish it didn't bother me so much because it's so silly, but it does. It really does. UGH.
As it turns out, we rarely actually use "Ellie". I use that name on my blogs, but in person, I feel like her full name fits her so much better. Some of the grandparents call her Ellie, and I'm fine with that. It doesn't bother me.
However, what does bother me is Jen. I realize that since my name is Jennifer, most people will call me Jen. I don't mind it when it's spoken. I don't mind friends, coworkers or random people calling me Jen when they speak to me. What I do mind is being introduced as Jen. Or worse yet... having my name be "Jen" on something official or keepsake-worthy, like the recently autographed photograph taken by an in-law. He wrote "To Michael and Jen".
It's not the first time that it's happened. When we were married, I received quite a few gifts (mostly from family on the hubby's side) that were engraved or cross-stitched with the names "Michael and Jen." Why does he get to be Michael instead of Mike, but I can't be Jennifer???
I'm not Jen, people! I'm Jennifer! If you're going to include my name on something that is somewhat-permanent... use the right name! And to think that I thought this was addressed years ago. Ugh. I wish it didn't bother me so much because it's so silly, but it does. It really does. UGH.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Golden Rule for Toddlers
I think in this point in time, if there is one rule we must stick to with Ellie, it's:
DO NOT MESS WITH THE SCHEDULE!
Seriously, as long as you keep her from getting tired or hungry, she's really quite a pleasant little person to be with, but stray from the schedule by 15 or 30 minutes and you're asking for trouble. Stray by an hour and everyone is miserable. I say this as a pre-req for the venting session I'm about to embark upon. Most people are willing to stick to the schedule, acknowledging that we don't do it just for fun.
In fact, when I was telling the family about the general schedule, the conversation went something like this:
Mommy: Ellie usually does best if we stick to a general schedule. She usually wakes up at 6 or 7 and goes down for a nap around 12:30 and sleeps until 2:30 or 3:00. She usually eats dinner between 5 and 6 and then goes to bed at 7:30. If we keep her from getting hungry or tired, life is much more enjoyable.
Grandma: Oh really? That strict?
Mommy: Yeah, I realize that most people make fun of us for sticking to a schedule...
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (ignoring Grandpa's comment)... but really at this age, it's easiest for Ellie....
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (acknowledging he said something) I know. Anyway, she just can't emotionally handle herself if she's hungry or tired.
Grandma: Oh. I guess it's better to not mess with fire.
Anyway, I will be posting pictures from our trip to the beach soon, along with the happy-go-lucky stories that can be shared with all. In the mean time, you'll have to settle for the true gossip. Yay!
Though it started off well, over all the trip to the beach just got more and more frustrating. It was the first time when I felt like family members did very little to try to include Ellie in activities. Some examples:
Mommy: (Upon arriving after a long day of traveling) What's the plan for dinner?
Grandpa: Oh, we don't really have anything planned. We could go out and buy something to cook.
Mommy: Oh, well we really need to get food in this little girl's tummy as quickly as possible. How about we just go out?
Grandpa: Do you really want to go out and spend that kind of money? We could go to the store and buy burgers and bring them back to cook.
Mommy: That will take a long time. (It's too bad you didn't buy the stuff while waiting for us to show up. Grrr.) We'll pay for dinner.
Grandpa: Huff puff. I suppose we could go to a pub down the street. Is anyone even hungry yet, though?
Mommy: Ellie would you like fruit salad for dinner?
Ellie: Yeah!
Mommy: Do you want to help Mommy make it?
Ellie: Yeah!
Grandpa: Uh... maybe we could just give her her own fruit to play with and not have her mess with the food for others?
Mommy: Of course we'll wash our hands first, right Ellie?
Ellie: Yeah! I wash ands and elp fruit salad! Nummy Nummy!
Grandpa: No, I think it would be better for all if we just set aside some fruit for her.
Grandma: I was hoping we could all eat dinner together tonight!
Mommy: Well Ellie typically eats around 5:00 or 6:00.
Grandma: I'm not going to be hungry that early, so let's plan on dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
Mommy: Fine, but Ellie needs to eat sooner and we'll be putting her to bed at that time.
Grandma: Well I was really hoping we could all eat together. It should be ok because Ellie is used to being two hours behind us. We're on East-Coast time here, you know (no S#!+ Sherlock!).
Mommy: Yes, but she wakes up to the East Coast sunrise, so the time change doesn't matter.
Grandma: Ok, so we'll eat dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
The above example repeated most days. Whenever we would decide to try to push Ellie's dinner and bedtime off a little bit, Ellie would have emotional hunger and tired driven breakdowns, to which we would get responses like the following:
Grandma: What is her problem today? Why is she so upset? What is her problem?
Grandpa: Well, if you want to teach her that crying is acceptable then go ahead and try to calm her down. If that's the lesson you want her to learn.
UGH, people! Don't you realize that she wouldn't even be upset in the first place if she wasn't so hungry and so tired????
Mommy: The guys are out fishing. What are your plans for the afternoon?
Aunt A: We're going to go shopping.
Mommy: Are you by chance taking the car or the bikes so that Ellie and I can join?
Aunt A: Nope. It's just the three of us (Aunt G, Grandma and Aunt A) so we're going to walk.
Mommy: Oh. Ok. I guess Ellie and I will stay here for the next few hours and play games by ourselves.
Aunt A: Ok. Have fun.
Daddy: We'd like to mix up activities a little since Ellie is somewhat terrified of the water. Maybe we could go to the playground with her?
Grandma: Well, I suppose, but I'd really like to accomplish more than just the playground in the afternoon.
Daddy: Well Ellie usually wakes from her nap around 3 and eats around 5 or 6. That doesn't leave a lot of time to accomplish much more than one activity.
Grandma: Huff puff.
Daddy: Let's just see how it goes.
Grandma: Ok. We can probably put in an hour or two at the beach before dinner, too.
Mommy: We'd like to get away for a little while to take some belly shots. We're going to finally take you up on your offer to watch Ellie for us (they offered, but kept coming up with reasons why "now just isn't good").
Grandma: I suppose now is as good of a time as any.
Mommy: Yes, especially since we leave tomorrow morning and are running out of opportunities.
Grandma: Huff. Puff. Ok, but when do you think you'll be back?
Mommy: 15-20 minutes.
Grandma: Oh, is that all? Sure! Go! Take a break! You deserve one!
I guess I'm a little naive. In my mind, these are family members who do not get to spend nearly as much time with Ellie as they would like, nor as much as we'd like them to be able to, so when the opportunity presents itself I would expect them to try to work around Ellie's abilities to join in on an activity. We were very disappointed in the lack of opportunities to get pictures of Ellie with her aunts (absolutely no opportunities came up because they did NOTHING together) and disappointed in feeling like we had to force and remind the grandparents to participate in something with her. Heck, I felt like my friends (who have no family-relationship to Ellie) include her better than these particular family members. It was sad.
And that's not even the frustrations I had that weren't Ellie-related. It was the first time I got a good glimpse of how the boys (Daddy and his brother) were treated with different standards than the girls (the step sisters). It's unfair and just plain rude, and even I got infuriated about it when I normally just shrug off the topic.
Sigh. This is the most frustrated I've ever been with how family members have interacted with Ellie (or in this case, the lack thereof). Thanks for the vent, internet! =)
DO NOT MESS WITH THE SCHEDULE!
Seriously, as long as you keep her from getting tired or hungry, she's really quite a pleasant little person to be with, but stray from the schedule by 15 or 30 minutes and you're asking for trouble. Stray by an hour and everyone is miserable. I say this as a pre-req for the venting session I'm about to embark upon. Most people are willing to stick to the schedule, acknowledging that we don't do it just for fun.
In fact, when I was telling the family about the general schedule, the conversation went something like this:
Mommy: Ellie usually does best if we stick to a general schedule. She usually wakes up at 6 or 7 and goes down for a nap around 12:30 and sleeps until 2:30 or 3:00. She usually eats dinner between 5 and 6 and then goes to bed at 7:30. If we keep her from getting hungry or tired, life is much more enjoyable.
Grandma: Oh really? That strict?
Mommy: Yeah, I realize that most people make fun of us for sticking to a schedule...
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (ignoring Grandpa's comment)... but really at this age, it's easiest for Ellie....
Grandpa: (interrupting) We're those people.
Mommy: (acknowledging he said something) I know. Anyway, she just can't emotionally handle herself if she's hungry or tired.
Grandma: Oh. I guess it's better to not mess with fire.
Anyway, I will be posting pictures from our trip to the beach soon, along with the happy-go-lucky stories that can be shared with all. In the mean time, you'll have to settle for the true gossip. Yay!
Though it started off well, over all the trip to the beach just got more and more frustrating. It was the first time when I felt like family members did very little to try to include Ellie in activities. Some examples:
Mommy: (Upon arriving after a long day of traveling) What's the plan for dinner?
Grandpa: Oh, we don't really have anything planned. We could go out and buy something to cook.
Mommy: Oh, well we really need to get food in this little girl's tummy as quickly as possible. How about we just go out?
Grandpa: Do you really want to go out and spend that kind of money? We could go to the store and buy burgers and bring them back to cook.
Mommy: That will take a long time. (It's too bad you didn't buy the stuff while waiting for us to show up. Grrr.) We'll pay for dinner.
Grandpa: Huff puff. I suppose we could go to a pub down the street. Is anyone even hungry yet, though?
Mommy: Ellie would you like fruit salad for dinner?
Ellie: Yeah!
Mommy: Do you want to help Mommy make it?
Ellie: Yeah!
Grandpa: Uh... maybe we could just give her her own fruit to play with and not have her mess with the food for others?
Mommy: Of course we'll wash our hands first, right Ellie?
Ellie: Yeah! I wash ands and elp fruit salad! Nummy Nummy!
Grandpa: No, I think it would be better for all if we just set aside some fruit for her.
Grandma: I was hoping we could all eat dinner together tonight!
Mommy: Well Ellie typically eats around 5:00 or 6:00.
Grandma: I'm not going to be hungry that early, so let's plan on dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
Mommy: Fine, but Ellie needs to eat sooner and we'll be putting her to bed at that time.
Grandma: Well I was really hoping we could all eat together. It should be ok because Ellie is used to being two hours behind us. We're on East-Coast time here, you know (no S#!+ Sherlock!).
Mommy: Yes, but she wakes up to the East Coast sunrise, so the time change doesn't matter.
Grandma: Ok, so we'll eat dinner around 7:30 or 8:00.
The above example repeated most days. Whenever we would decide to try to push Ellie's dinner and bedtime off a little bit, Ellie would have emotional hunger and tired driven breakdowns, to which we would get responses like the following:
Grandma: What is her problem today? Why is she so upset? What is her problem?
Grandpa: Well, if you want to teach her that crying is acceptable then go ahead and try to calm her down. If that's the lesson you want her to learn.
UGH, people! Don't you realize that she wouldn't even be upset in the first place if she wasn't so hungry and so tired????
Mommy: The guys are out fishing. What are your plans for the afternoon?
Aunt A: We're going to go shopping.
Mommy: Are you by chance taking the car or the bikes so that Ellie and I can join?
Aunt A: Nope. It's just the three of us (Aunt G, Grandma and Aunt A) so we're going to walk.
Mommy: Oh. Ok. I guess Ellie and I will stay here for the next few hours and play games by ourselves.
Aunt A: Ok. Have fun.
Daddy: We'd like to mix up activities a little since Ellie is somewhat terrified of the water. Maybe we could go to the playground with her?
Grandma: Well, I suppose, but I'd really like to accomplish more than just the playground in the afternoon.
Daddy: Well Ellie usually wakes from her nap around 3 and eats around 5 or 6. That doesn't leave a lot of time to accomplish much more than one activity.
Grandma: Huff puff.
Daddy: Let's just see how it goes.
Grandma: Ok. We can probably put in an hour or two at the beach before dinner, too.
Mommy: We'd like to get away for a little while to take some belly shots. We're going to finally take you up on your offer to watch Ellie for us (they offered, but kept coming up with reasons why "now just isn't good").
Grandma: I suppose now is as good of a time as any.
Mommy: Yes, especially since we leave tomorrow morning and are running out of opportunities.
Grandma: Huff. Puff. Ok, but when do you think you'll be back?
Mommy: 15-20 minutes.
Grandma: Oh, is that all? Sure! Go! Take a break! You deserve one!
I guess I'm a little naive. In my mind, these are family members who do not get to spend nearly as much time with Ellie as they would like, nor as much as we'd like them to be able to, so when the opportunity presents itself I would expect them to try to work around Ellie's abilities to join in on an activity. We were very disappointed in the lack of opportunities to get pictures of Ellie with her aunts (absolutely no opportunities came up because they did NOTHING together) and disappointed in feeling like we had to force and remind the grandparents to participate in something with her. Heck, I felt like my friends (who have no family-relationship to Ellie) include her better than these particular family members. It was sad.
And that's not even the frustrations I had that weren't Ellie-related. It was the first time I got a good glimpse of how the boys (Daddy and his brother) were treated with different standards than the girls (the step sisters). It's unfair and just plain rude, and even I got infuriated about it when I normally just shrug off the topic.
Sigh. This is the most frustrated I've ever been with how family members have interacted with Ellie (or in this case, the lack thereof). Thanks for the vent, internet! =)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Baby Talk
I'm nearly certain I've posted about this before, so I apologize for the repetition.
As some of you know (and others will know once the pictures post next week), we went camping last weekend. Over all it was a huge success.
But, in spending a couple of days with Nana and Grandpa, it became apparent to me that we really do not talk to Ellie using baby talk. Sure, we change the tone of our voice to adapt to her, but the words themselves are grown-up words. The grammar itself is grown-up grammar (at least to the best of my ability... lol).
Both of the grandparents (and I'm sure they're not alone in this) had the habit of repeating Ellie's cute, but incorrect way of saying things. It's great that they understand her and it's great that they engage her.
I'm just saying that I definitely noticed that when Daddy or I talk to her, we confirm what she wants by using correct words and grammar. Not everyone does this.
I wonder if that's why she does, and always has, spoken so well. I wonder if many parents, without really thinking about it, just confirm incorrect words when they repeat what their kids say.
As some of you know (and others will know once the pictures post next week), we went camping last weekend. Over all it was a huge success.
But, in spending a couple of days with Nana and Grandpa, it became apparent to me that we really do not talk to Ellie using baby talk. Sure, we change the tone of our voice to adapt to her, but the words themselves are grown-up words. The grammar itself is grown-up grammar (at least to the best of my ability... lol).
Both of the grandparents (and I'm sure they're not alone in this) had the habit of repeating Ellie's cute, but incorrect way of saying things. It's great that they understand her and it's great that they engage her.
I'm just saying that I definitely noticed that when Daddy or I talk to her, we confirm what she wants by using correct words and grammar. Not everyone does this.
I wonder if that's why she does, and always has, spoken so well. I wonder if many parents, without really thinking about it, just confirm incorrect words when they repeat what their kids say.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Growing is over-rated
It's all about personal and professional growth, right?
Without wanting to go into details, I just found out that it's my decision whether or not to terminate out technician's employment. Ugh. No one wants to have that burden hanging on their shoulders. I don't think anyone wants to be responsible for putting someone on the unemployment list, let alone doing so during this recession.
Ugh.
Without wanting to go into details, I just found out that it's my decision whether or not to terminate out technician's employment. Ugh. No one wants to have that burden hanging on their shoulders. I don't think anyone wants to be responsible for putting someone on the unemployment list, let alone doing so during this recession.
Ugh.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I can help you spend your money!
For my birthday, I recently decided to make the offer to match my friends' charity donations. Since it was a spur of the moment decision for me, it's actually lingering longer than I originally intended. That being said, I am having a lot of fun seeing the things that call out to my friends and make their hearts yearn to do good.
Before I continue, I will say that I know my mom has good intentions. Really, she's just trying to help. However, I still feel like this is one of those examples that left me thinking "Who does that?"
When I made my offer, I did not originally include my mom in what I envisioned being the dollar commitment that might be required by making such an offer. My mom instilled in me my passion for donating, and so to include her on the list of people to "match" could potentially be quite the undertaking.
That being said, I didn't specifically not include her either. She found out about my offer and said she'd donate $x amount of money. Without giving specific numbers, this dollar figure was over twice the highest dollar figure any of my friends offered. Though I didn't expect to take her donations into account, I was ok with the dollar amount she requested. If everyone donated that amount of money, my money would go quickly, but who cares, right?
Moving on... then she found out that my company matches my donations. She emailed me and said "I'm going to up my donation to 4x $x!" Uh... Wow. Ok. Um... I'll have to wait to see what I have left over after my friends make their donations and I'll let you know if I can match that new 4x number.
Moving on... when I called her to discuss the above, she interrupted me and said "Oh, and I forwarded your offer to all my friends so you should be hearing from some of them soon."
This is where my real frustration comes in. I realize she thought that I was just trying to make the most of my donations, but still... who would forward an offer like that to people who don't even know me??? On top of that (and this is definitely an assumption I'm making), her friends are in Estes Park. People living in Estes Park only do so because they can afford to, right? Who knows what kind of money requests would come from these friends of hers?
Be honest... many of you received my offer to match your donations. Did you consider forwarding it to people I did not know?
Before I continue, I will say that I know my mom has good intentions. Really, she's just trying to help. However, I still feel like this is one of those examples that left me thinking "Who does that?"
When I made my offer, I did not originally include my mom in what I envisioned being the dollar commitment that might be required by making such an offer. My mom instilled in me my passion for donating, and so to include her on the list of people to "match" could potentially be quite the undertaking.
That being said, I didn't specifically not include her either. She found out about my offer and said she'd donate $x amount of money. Without giving specific numbers, this dollar figure was over twice the highest dollar figure any of my friends offered. Though I didn't expect to take her donations into account, I was ok with the dollar amount she requested. If everyone donated that amount of money, my money would go quickly, but who cares, right?
Moving on... then she found out that my company matches my donations. She emailed me and said "I'm going to up my donation to 4x $x!" Uh... Wow. Ok. Um... I'll have to wait to see what I have left over after my friends make their donations and I'll let you know if I can match that new 4x number.
Moving on... when I called her to discuss the above, she interrupted me and said "Oh, and I forwarded your offer to all my friends so you should be hearing from some of them soon."
This is where my real frustration comes in. I realize she thought that I was just trying to make the most of my donations, but still... who would forward an offer like that to people who don't even know me??? On top of that (and this is definitely an assumption I'm making), her friends are in Estes Park. People living in Estes Park only do so because they can afford to, right? Who knows what kind of money requests would come from these friends of hers?
Be honest... many of you received my offer to match your donations. Did you consider forwarding it to people I did not know?
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