My mom now needs a pool.

I chose not to return my mom's phone calls while we were visiting Pappy (which probably just added to the problem). However, I just now got off the phone with her. She asked how the week went with the expected questions of "How was Ellie with Pappy?" or "Did it take Addie long to warm up to Pappy?"

I'm sure my mom means well and wants my girls to enjoy their time with Pappy, but I'm also sure that there is a streak of jealousy behind her questions. Ellie warmed up to Pappy right away. And Grammie too. Addie displayed no stranger anxiety towards either of them, even though she has shown fear towards my mom recently.

"How was Ellie with the lake? Did she like the water?" When I told her that Ellie was practically a fish, her response was "Oh man, that means I need to get a swimming pool too! No pressure or anything!"

It's just a silly statement, I know. And that's why all I'm doing is writing a silly vent on my silly secret blog. But, come on, Gramma! Let Pappy have this one special thing. It's ok for the girls to absolutely LOVE spending time at Pappy's for a week a year. That does not mean they enjoy their time with you any less. You do not have to be, nor should you be, their favorite all the time.

Jealousy

We've been in OK visiting Pappy (my dad) for almost a week now. There has yet to be a day where Gramma (my mom) has not tried to call to talk to Ellie, sometimes trying 4 or 5 times. She claims she's missing the girls. I don't doubt that. However, she often goes for weeks at a time not speaking or seeing the girls when we're at home. I'm positive it's a jealousy thing. It's only because we're with Pappy and Grammie (his new wife). Gramma has this... let's call it a thing... where she is almost threatened by the other grandparents. She wants to make sure she is the girls' favorite.

Come on, Mom. This is Pappy's week. He only gets to see the girls a couple weeks a year... if even that much. You barely go that long between visits. Let him have his time. Back off.

Cussing

I have never been one to curse much. I'm not sure why - it's not like I have anything against those who do. I just don't. I've never really felt much need for it. Maybe I feel like it's disrespectful - to whom exactly, I can't say.

Most of my friends don't curse much either. Neither does my husband. Again, I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's just a classic case of "birds of a feather flock together?" I seem to gravitate towards people who don't use much abrasive language.

When we became parents, it didn't require much effort on our part to watch the language we use around them. Michael had to watch his "craps" and I had to cut back on my "damns" but other than that, we didn't have any concern.

Along the way, we've had to request that some family members watch their language. Grandpa seems to simply not think about what he says when he's in the presence of the children, whether or not fowl language is involved. But other than that, I think most people just know to watch their words around children.

My sister knows it too, but she is an... emotional one. She acts in the moment. She doesn't hold back. If she's frustrated she shows it. If she's happy, it's contagious. If she's pissed, stand back. If she's pissed at you, then save yourself. This, combined with the fact that curse words are more of her everyday vocabulary, results in us being exposed to that sort of language a lot more since she moved in with us.

For the most part she watches her language around Ellie. It's easy to forget how much babies understand, so her tongue is a little looser around Addie. But she doesn't bother to watch her language around me.

The result is that since she has moved in with us, I've found myself cursing more than usual too. I guess that language is contagious. If you hear it more often then it flows easier.

So, here's my beef... I know my sister isn't responsible for my ability to not curse, but I also know that I've had a much harder time with it since she's moved in. I have never requested another adult to stop cursing in front of me (child present is different) but is that a reasonable request? I'm thinking not.

But I wish it were. It would be easier than the self-control I have to practice now.

Redefining yourself

Recently it seems like I'm surrounded by people rediscovering who they are or redefining who they want to be. Perhaps you're escaping to Paris to reconnect with the city where your love story really began, not to mention a family, to see if the City of Lights can tell you what comes next. Or perhaps you're testing the waters of parenthood and a relationship that allows you to be more yourself than the one you thought would last so much longer than it did. Or perhaps you're feeling so relieved and free that the simple act of moving into an apartment of your own feels more like a vacation resort. You recently won your first argument in years, even if it was just one between you and yourself. Maybe you're redecorating a house with all the pretty things you love so much but have been without for years? If there is no "us" in your relationship, then at least now you have a place to really be your "me." Maybe you're about to marry and finally begin a life together with your soul mate? You're just counting down the days. Or perhaps you recently admitted that your soul mate and you have drifted too far apart?

I'm surrounded by people who are redefining their lives and it has significantly impacted my own thoughts. Each person and each situation is a little reminder for me to step back and examine my own life. Who am I? Where do I want to be? I think everyone needs to confirm they're on the right path every now and then. Thankfully I keep coming back to the same answers...

I am N!ffer. I am my husband's wife. I am the mother of my children. I am exactly where I want to be.

Oh... Brynn

Brynn's parents are getting separated. For obvious reasons I have mixed feelings on that, all of which are irrelevant. A couple days ago Ellie and Brynn were playing together and taking turns leaving to go to pretend places. It's Ellie's turn and she picks up a bag and says "Bye! I'm going to da store! I'll be back soon!" She walks down the hallway, pretends to get her stuff from the store and returns. Now it's Brynn's turn. She walks over and picks up her purse, puts on her sunglasses and says "Bye! I'm going to counseling! I'll be back after you go to sleep!" and walks away down the hallway.

The pink stuff

When a 3 year old goes to use your toilet and decides that she is too scared of the "yucky pink stuff" to use it... and then spends the rest of the weekend mentioning how the "pink stuff is trying to get me..." It's time to clean your toilet. Please don't wait for us to get around to doing it for you.

Maybe the solution is to find myself a thesaurus

After reading Heidi's comment to my previous post I knew I had to write again.

My sincere apologies for sounding as petty as I did. When I reread my post, I could see that it did not reflect the feelings I had intended to vent. Heidi is right, my post complaining about being able to afford to save for the future when there are so many people trying to make ends meet sounds as petty as "weekly manicures and elective cosmetic surgery." Shame on you, N!ffer!

I am sorry.

I think in regards to the way Heidi took my post, the only solution I can think of is to come up with a better phrase than "I can't afford to..." because if you look at it in a black and white fashion, yes I CAN afford to. I do not see it as black and white as Heidi does, but I also do not want to insult those I choose to vent to. So maybe in the future I should choose words like "I choose not to..."??? Is that any better? That sounds self-righteous to me. Maybe there just isn't a solution.

However, my post yesterday was not intended to compare my inability to "afford" something to the inability for those who struggle more than I do to afford the same thing, or even something more basic.

No, it was intended as a vent against my own family members. Both my mom and sister are capable of having a financially sound lifestyle, but due to poor spending habits they do not. My vent was intended towards them and towards the fact that they feel like I'd be in the same boat if it weren't for Michael. My mom once made A LOT of money but chose to do nothing to save for her retirement. Now she's "suffering" by having to continue to work and "make ends meet." My sister makes good money too but has A TON of credit card debt that she needs to pay off.

It's comments from these types of people that get to me. They sometimes act as though I have no reason to hesitate on buying a chai on a whim, or buying a piece of clothing that happens to be on sale. These people look at what they're spending and focus on how they *COULD* be spending more. I look at what I'm spending and focus on how I *COULD* be spending less. It's a different attitude on money.

And it's a difference that is costing all of us. It's costing them because they have to now deal with the consequences of their poor decisions, and it's costing me for having to justify my spending (or lack there of) on a semi-regular basis. It's annoying to me to have my mom and sister assume that I can afford to buy something above and beyond the basics, when it's those specific spending habits that have gotten them into the situations they have found themselves in.

Does that make sense? Does that make my vent any better or less petty? I hope so. Like I said before, I know how fortunate we are but I feel like part of that has to do with our spending habits. My mom and sister *COULD* be just as "fortunate" as we are but sometimes they make what I consider to be stupid decisions instead. I just get so tired of having to defend myself for not making the same mistakes (large or small).

Many hugs to anyone I might have insulted - it was not my intention at all.