Parenting comments

I guess it's naive of me to think that people won't talk about our parenting skills and whether or not they think we're doing ok, but it does bother me.

Last night my sister commened on how my mom commented on "Merlin" being a bad name for a dog. This led to me asking if my mom made any comments on the names we picked for the baby. This led to me asking if she's made any comments on our parenting skills in general. I should not have asked.

It's not that it's bad or anything. Maybe my sister was being nice and sparing me any details, but she did say that both of my parents have commented on us being overly protective of Ellie.

Why does this bother me so much? Do I really need my parents to think that I'm doing everything great? Or maybe everyone thinks I'm overly protective of her? Or, is this an opinion that they made at the beginning and just haven't modified it as Ellie grows? What else have they said?

I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. Maybe it's because I don't think it's true. I do think that we are protective of Ellie, but not overly so. In fact, we've gotten the opposite comments from our friends - comments on "you are both so relaxed" when it comes to us watching nervously as Ellie approaches the edge of a small staircase, with the grass just two feet below. We try not to jump to rescue her all the time. It's not easy being relaxed.

I think that's what bothers me so much about my parents comments. We work hard at not being overbearing so it hurts my feelings to hear that they think we are being so. I really wonder why they think that. Do they still think so? I wish they could adjust their opinions instead of sticking to the first impressions they got. Or maybe they have? Maybe the problem is that my sister just hasn't heard the new opinions.

UGH. Stop it. It's not that big of a deal.

Mother's Day

It occured to me this morning that just because I am a mother now, it does not mean that I no longer have a mother of my own. I need to decide quickly what to get my mom for Mother's Day! Shhh!!! Don't tell her that I forgot!

Woe is me

You know, when I started this blog I expected to have to write in it more often. I suppose it's a good sign that I'm not, huh?

Living with my mother-in-law for the last couple of months has been quite an experience. Don't get me wrong, I think she's great and it ended up going so much better than it could have. However, it did allow me to see the person she really is, which is someone who isn't always as happy as she tries to pretend.

Last week Ellie got sick again with a 12 hour stomach flu. She was up all night puking (not fun with a baby!). A couple nights later I was up all night doing the same. Then it was Michael's turn. As it turns out, my mother-in-law got it next. Afterwards we had to listen to her complaining about it every time we talked to her.

"I got sick on my only day off in 3 months. It was my only day off in 3 months and I got sick. I haven't had a day off in 3 months and I got sick. I got sick and it was my only day off in 3 months. I got sick. My only day off in 3 months. In 3 months, I got only 1 day off and I got sick. I was sick on my 1 day off in 3 months."

UGH!!! Now I know two truths in life*. 1. It sucks to be sick and 2. It sucks to be sick. But, try being sick *AND* taking care of a demanding infant at the same time. Now, *that* isn't much fun!!!


* I actually know many truths. Just ask me sometime.

Well, dangit!!

It's known to all (or at least all those who care) that I have recently moved back to CO, and that my stay in MD lasted much much longer than I ever thought it would. And Now I"m back home and it feels good. It just feels like home, even though MD was not an easy place to leave. How

Anyway, I just found out that my sister is moving to New York!!! UGH! she was one of the main reasons why we wanted to move back so badly!

I know that moving to NY is probably the best thing for her to do right now. They are only planning on staying for a couple years, long enough for her husband to go through PA school, but who knows what will happen? After all, my stay in MD was only supposed to be 2 year as well. Anyway, I do believe that it will be the best thing for my sister. It means that she will be able to establish her career a little more before starting to have a family (she said they would probably try to get pregnant this summer if they were staying in CO). I do think that would be best for her.

However, the selfish part of me agrees with the part of her that wants to have a baby so soon. I think that it would be great if we ended up having kids all about the same age. It would be nice to have them grow up to be close to each other. And there isn't anything I can do about changing when I start a family. That not-so-little girl isn't ever going back in.

So I'm finding myself in a strange place because I hate to see her go when I finally got back to CO. I I was secretively supportive of her decision to try to get pregnant ear, yet I do think that waiting is the best thing for her.

Ugh. Let's just say that it just sucks and I haven't come to terms with it yet.

It started off as a good day...

The weather was beautiful and Ellie and I played on the swings. It was a great day.

Too bad it didn't stay that way.

I got a phone call saying I did not get the job I was most excited about. This instantly put me into an OH SHIT mode.

What's that?

You know, it's the mode where I begin to ask myself why the hell did we make this decision? What would possess me and my husband to quit the jobs we like? The stable, well paying jobs?! And to move to a different state, where we find ourselves with a house to sell and not sure if we can afford to buy another here. And me, unemployed. And Daddy in a job where he wonders why they hell they hired him and if he can even accomplish the things they want him to do.

Ugh. I hate feeling like this.

I know the answer is that we did this for the little one. We did it so that we could be closer to the majority of our family. I know that it will all come together and that I'm bound to end up employed again at some point. And surely we won't be homeless with a mortgage payment forever. And Daddy? He's one smart cookie and he'll realize that he can accomplish everything they hired him for and then some.

But today does not look that way at all.

Good but not great

The other day my sister and I were sitting at her kitchen table and going through some cards that she had that are made to encourage conversation. They were filled with questions like "What do you think is the perfect age?" or "Would you rather be deaf or blind?"

"Who is a great inspiration in your life?"

Sister - "Well you inspire me to be a good mother when the time comes."
Me - "Ah, shucks. Thanks!"
Sister - "But I can't think of any great examples."

Availability Vent

Ok so I've been back in Colorado for almost a week now and let me tell you, it's been a hectic week. I've got my hands full taking care of Ellie all day long, interviewing and trying to find a house and daycare. Overall, it's going well. If things fall into place like they appear to be doing then I'll live within 5 minutes of both work and daycare. Woohoo! Keeping my fingers crossed...

Ok... On to the venting session.

When talking to my mom about all the things that need to be done, she of course had the attitude of "we'll make it happen" which I love her for. However, she did speak of how she would be available to help whenever I had an interview or something and needed to leave Ellie somewhere for a while. That's nice of her and would be highly appreciated.

I got into town last Saturday. Monday morning my mom left to go to a Safarri convention with Bill. She returns tomorrow (Saturday evening). Tuesday they leave to go to Idaho to do some work on the house they own there. She'll be gone all week.

Ummm... so that means that in the first two weeks I'm here, she leaves MONDAY available to help me???? And keep in mind, it's the first two weeks that Michael isn't out here with me - after that, he'll be here to help himself.

Ah shucks, thanks Mom.

** Disclaimer: Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she might feel like I keep turning down her help because:

1. I didn't take her up on her offer to let us stay at a rental place in Estes Park because we have an offer to stay in a small, but close apartment in Boulder.

2. I didn't take her up on her offer to borrow her car because it seemed like it would be less of a hassle to use my brother-in-law's car.

3. I didn't specifically tell her that I needed her help so she might have made all these out of town plans thinking she wasn't needed. Sorry Mom.